Still Life
by sidewalk serfer girl
Summary: Unforeseen circumstances - or possibly Kaoru - throw an emotionally volatile Hikaru and an anxious Haruhi together in the time leading up to Tamaki and Haruhi's wedding day. Set post-manga, pre-Volume 18.
1. Chapter 1

So.

This is my first non-Cowboy Bebop fanfic. I'm sailing into uncharted waters here. Eep.

Set post-manga (Vol. 18 "Extras" ignored because...well...I didn't like them), though if you've only ever watched the anime, I think you'll still be able to follow along.

Hope you enjoy.

ssg.x.

* * *

><p>Give me back my dreams<br>I've been counting these sheep  
>Since I can't remember when<p>

Give me back my sleep  
>I'll be dreaming of you till I wake up crying again<br>I have lain awake through the longest hours  
>Wondering whether to cry or scream<p>

You can take my heart  
>It was always yours<br>Just give me back my dreams

* * *

><p><em>God help me, I'm going to kill him.<em>

"You changed Tono's ringtone again?"

Hikaru pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger.

"I had to. If I ever want to enjoy music again, I have to keep changing his ringtone. My cell rings practically every thirty minutes now. His calls are chewing through my mp3 collection. I swear I'm just about ready to tell him to shove it."

Kaoru glanced up from the pile of fabric swatches in front of him and smiled sympathetically at his brother, who hardly noticed as he rubbed his eyes tiredly.

"You should go get some sleep. You look awful."

Hikaru nodded. He set aside the pile of fluorescent pink post-its and magazines in his lap and stood, stretching his arms and giving his back a quick crack.

He'd been staring at bridal magazines all day. The well-trained eye for fashion he inherited from his mother was now almost blind with exhaustion. Not that Tamaki's leaving much in the way of creative flexibility anyways, as Tamaki seemed dead-set on running a tight ship since he first announced his engagement to Haruhi three months ago, insisting on having final say on every last detail of the wedding, from the tuxes to the type of ink and script used to write the addresses on the invitations.

If he didn't know Tamaki so well, he might have thought the guy was trying his damndest to punish the twins for any and all sins committed against him since middle school. His Flakiness called about a hundred times a day now, and every morning the Hitachiins would wake up to a fresh new pile of magazines at their door to file through, bursting with scribbled "suggestions" on post-it notes from the king himself.

Between the magazines, the fabric swatches, and invitation samples, the living room was a massive fire hazard.

"Has Tono decided on cravats, neckties, ascots or bowties for the groomsmen? I'm going to need something long enough to hang myself with."

He sunk back into the couch and tilted his head to stare at the ceiling.

"You think Haruhi cares about any of this stuff?" he asked quietly. "Centrepieces, champagne, taffeta, wax seals versus resin seals…She's never cared much for extravagance, and now she's up to her armpits in it. Tono must be driving her crazy."

Right on cue, his phone started to ring. He groaned in frustration, slapping his hand over his eyes.

"I can't take it anymore," he snapped. "That's it. I'm not answering this time."

"Head off to bed, already. Leave the phone with me," Kaoru said.

"I'll just turn it off."

"No, you won't. Leave it here," Kaoru insisted, holding out his hand to confiscate it.

Hikaru rolled his eyes and handed it over.

"It's for your own good, you know. Exhausted or not, you'll feel guilty for getting frustrated with Tono, and you'll end up turning the phone back on before your head hits your pillow."

Kaoru was right, of course, but Hikaru wasn't going to admit it.

"Fine," he muttered. "Don't stay up much longer, okay? I know you had a late start today, but you know some messenger guy will be ringing the doorbell at the crack of dawn again with who the hell knows what latest ridiculous bit of wedding paraphernalia has caught Tono's fancy."

Hikaru was almost at the door when Kaoru stopped him again.

"You shouldn't feel guilty, you know."

"I know. Tono passed 'unreasonable' about forty magazines and a thousand fabric swatches ago, but –"

"Not just about that," Kaoru interrupted. "I mean about Haruhi. You shouldn't feel guilty."

"I don't know what you mean," Hikaru replied, not turning around. His ears started burning up. Kaoru wasn't stupid. He was still the only person on the planet who could read him like an open book, though Haruhi also managed the occasional glimpse into his thoughts. It was comforting and frustrating at the same time.

He heard Kaoru sigh, but it wasn't an entirely unpleasant sound.

"You haven't acted on your feelings. You have nothing to feel guilty about."

Hikaru's shoulders tensed.

"What if I'm not sure I can keep it up for much longer?"

"She's already made her choice. I'm not sure another confession is worth the hurt it would cause the three of you."

_Then you don't know me as well as you think, after all, _Hikaru mused.

Because if even the vaguest chance that Haruhi might return his feelings existed, it could very well be totally worth it.

"No possible good could come of it," Kaoru said, reading his thoughts again. "As much as it pains you, pains both of us, Haruhi loves Tono. She _chose_ Tono."

"I just want this over with," Hikaru said, stung by his brother's words but determined not to show it. "And in a few more months it will be. Everything will be fine."

Kaoru, perfectly happy to carry on a conversation with the back of his brother's head, chuckled.

"What's so funny?" Hikaru snapped.

"You, Hikaru. The wedding isn't going to change your feelings for Haruhi. The engagement certainly hasn't, has it? I know you're trying to use all this wedding planning junk as something akin to emotional electro-shock therapy, but if you're still feeling what you're feeling, you're just being a masochist."

"If you're so worried that I'll slip and confess something, you should be happy I'm making every effort possible not to," Hikaru muttered.

"It's very noble of you, but I don't want you to have an aneurysm. Why not get out of town for a little while? Between Kyouya, Hani, Mori and myself, I'm sure we can juggle all of Tono's whims without you. Anyways, we're much more adept at handling Tono than you've ever been."

Hikaru bristled at that. He looked over his shoulder, shooting an acidic glare in Kaoru's direction.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Kaoru smirked back, unfazed.

"It means you still have the least amount of patience, and the worst temper of just about anyone I know. The fact that your head hasn't exploded from all the pressure building up inside it is a miracle of science."

Kaoru could practically see the black cloud forming above Hikaru's head. His brother's eyes narrowed and he heard him sucking a deep breath in through his teeth, ready to give him what-for. Kaoru arched an amused eyebrow at him.

"Something to say?" he asked innocently.

Clenching his fists, Hikaru huffed and left the room, nerve-endings screaming their protest as he tried not to stomp his feet like a child on the way.

"I didn't think so," Kaoru said smugly. He shook his head and smiled, happy to at least finally see his brother off to get some much-needed rest. Cutting another call from Tamaki short mid-ring, he turned off Hikaru's phone and tossed it on the couch behind him.

* * *

><p>Lyrics quoted from The 6ths' <em>Give Me Back My Dreams<em>. Please don't sue.


	2. Chapter 2

The first thing that struck Hikaru as the hired car pulled away from the Hitachiin's Karuizawa property was the silence. The sound of leaves crunching beneath the shoes of the one valet he conceded at Kaoru's behest to bring along with him to the house was amplified by the open space and made Hikaru feel as though they were invading the place. Usually he wouldn't notice the quiet of his surroundings because he was almost never alone. Kaoru was almost always by his side during their stays, and when he wasn't, Hikaru had his headphones on, or his fingers were clicking away on one of his handheld games.

Autumn leaves the colour of amber and flame carpeted the pathways lined with birch trees going off in all directions of the property. Hikaru took a deep breath and let his eyes flutter closed. A flock of birds, hundreds by the sounds of it, took off in unison. Leaves rustled noisily in the wake of their frenzied departure.

* * *

><p>"What, <em>if anything<em>, are you thinking?" Kaoru snapped, his eyes narrowing in frustration.

"I don't know what you mean," Hikaru replied casually, skimming the travel inventory checklist he'd given the staff in preparation for his trip. "I'm taking your advice. You suggested I leave town, so I'm leaving."

Kaoru rolled his eyes. "Don't play dumb. You know what I mean. Karuizawa of all places? The point of this trip was to get away from the stress of the wedding."

"So?"

"_So?_ Don't think I don't know the significance of that place," Kaoru said, following Hikaru down the hall and into his bedroom.

"It's a pretty big place, isn't it? I'm going to be staying at the house. I won't be anywhere near Misuzu's pensione. Anyways, it wouldn't matter if I was. Haruhi and Tono are here. I'm sure Tamaki's got her buried underneath a pile of baby's breath and petticoats right now."

"The family has properties all over the place. You could head to any one of them," Kaoru insisted. "Why are you doing this to yourself?"

Hikaru circled his bed, ignoring his brother's question. He continued staring at his list, hoping Kaoru would just let it drop.

"I don't know what you're –"

Before the rest of the words were out of Hikaru's mouth, Kaoru leapt across the bed, catching him completely off guard as he snatched the list from his hands.

"- talking about?" Kaoru snapped, finally having lost his patience. "Stop acting like an idiot, Hikaru!"

Hikaru sighed and sat on the end of the bed. He leaned his head into his hands. The bed dipped where Kaoru's weight joined his. He put an arm around Hikaru, who leaned into his embrace as he'd been doing his entire life. Kaoru ruffled his dark, spikey hair.

"Uke," he chuckled. Hikaru smiled.

"I miss you, Hikaru," Kaoru said gently. "I miss how much fun we used to have teasing Tono. I miss catching up with Haruhi on weekends. I feel like I'm losing you. Honey and I thought maybe you'd been withdrawing because you were a little homesick. Boston's like a different planet. Our name doesn't carry nearly as much weight around here. But it isn't 'us' you're withdrawing from, is it? It's them. It's Haruhi and Tono."

"We still see them all the time," Hikaru said. "They live downstairs."

"I mean mentally withdrawing. Emotionally. For chrissakes, Tono was twirling around our living room modelling veils the other day and you barely cracked a smile."

Hikaru shrugged his shoulders. "I'm just tired, Kaoru. And…"

"And…?"

"I know I told you I'm looking forward to the wedding if only because it'll bring me some closure, but an ending is still an ending. You're right - my feelings for Haruhi probably won't ever change. I should be happy for Tono. I mean…I _am_ happy for him. I'm happy for Haruhi, too. She's marrying the man she loves. I have to force myself to get past all this. I keep telling myself that the day of the wedding will be the first day of the rest of my life, but I don't think I should wait that long anymore."

"That's startlingly mature of you," Kaoru smirked. "So, what was all that talk the other day about wanting to confess your feelings?"

"You know I'd never be able to do that. That was just talk. The truth is that I don't know what I'm doing," Hikaru admitted softly. "I just know that when I thought of somewhere to escape to, that's the first place that popped into my head. It was a turning point. You said yourself that I finally started growing up during the time we spent there. Our world became a little bigger."

"Yes, that's true."

"Maybe I just need to remind myself of that. That good things could start happening if I start letting people in again."

"Oh," Kaoru gasped, looking hopeful. "You mean girls?"

Hikaru nodded. He figured it wasn't technically lying if nothing came out of his mouth. It didn't make him feel less guilty, but the idea that he might be ready to start looking at girls other than Haruhi seemed to make Kaoru happy enough that the guilt would be worth bearing. He just added it to the pile.

Hikaru's initial response was an honest one, even if it quickly took a dishonest turn. He really didn't know what he was doing. Karuizawa really _was_ the first place that popped into his head when he really started to take Kaoru's suggestion that he leave town into serious consideration.

The arm around Hikaru's shoulders squeezed gently as Kaoru rested his chin against the top of his head.

"You'll be okay alone?" Kaoru asked gently.

Hikaru nodded silently. It worked the first time, after all.

* * *

><p>"Sir?"<p>

Hikaru opened his eyes.

"Hm?"

"Sir, I've brought your bags to your room. Were you going to be having dinner in tonight?"

Hikaru sobered, the birds having returned his mind to him from wherever they'd just taken it.

"I'm not hungry just yet."

"Would you like a bath drawn, then?"

"Thanks. Maybe later, though. I'm going to go for a walk. Would you mind calling my brother and letting him know I arrived safely?"

"Of course, sir."

"Um…Everything alright?" Hikaru asked, curious about the puzzled look on the valet's face.

"Oh…yes, sir. I just…You're going for a walk, sir?"

"Yeah. A walk."

"V-very well, sir."

Hands in his coat pockets, Hikaru started walking off towards the trees. He couldn't help but grin as he took in the look on his valet's face, more worried now than confused, just before turning his back on him. Over the years, the Hitachiin household staff had learned that any behaviour even mildly out of the ordinary for the twins meant some sort of prank was afoot. Hikaru traveling without Kaoru was out of the ordinary. Hikaru not wanting dinner right at 6 pm was out of the ordinary. Hikaru going out for a nature walk was most definitely out of the ordinary. The staff would be sleeping with one eye open tonight for sure.

As Hikaru walked further and further down his chosen path, the sky panned out into an endless myriad of reds, purples and oranges as the sun set on it. Above him, the tree branches wove into each other, breaking the colours up into pieces, turning the whole of the sky into a beautiful stained-glass window. Before he could help it, he found himself thinking about the little roadside church Haruhi had taken shelter in from the thunderstorm so many summers ago.

"Thank you…Hikaru…"

The memory of Haruhi's words that day sent Hikaru's hand to his heart. He closed his eyes and swallowed the lump in his throat. The emotional wear and tear of the past few months was suddenly too much to bear. He leaned his forehead heavily against the nearest birch tree. In almost twenty years, Hikaru felt as though his life so far could be divided into four parts - before Tamaki, after Tamaki, before Haruhi, and after Haruhi. The prospect of beginning another chapter of his life, one that would mean leaving Haruhi behind, pained him.

"But it's happening," he whispered.

He knelt by the base of the tree and wrapped his arms around himself.

_God help me._

* * *

><p>"Haruhi!"<p>

Tamaki's voice was muffled on the other side of the "love door", though, as far as Haruhi was concerned these days, it was the door separating sanity from insanity.

"Tamaki, I'm not opening the door. I'm not looking at any more magazines tonight. I'm not trying on any more tiaras, I'm not filing through any more poetry anthologies, and I'm not engaging in any more debates over the benefits of rolled fondant versus buttercream icing. I'm going to have a hot bath, do some quiet reading and head off to bed."

"Just one more thing, I promise!"

"No."

"Please, Haruhi! I'll read to you in the bath! That'll save you some time, right?"

"NO, Tamaki. Good night."

"Is this because I'm not using the main door? I know you don't like it when I try to use the love door, but I thought it would be faster."

"First of all, it's not my fault you feel the need to get all dressed up just because there's a very slim chance you might run into someone in the thirty seconds it takes you to walk from your front door to mine. Secondly, it's almost eleven and I haven't gotten any time to myself today. Mei emailed me days ago and I haven't had the chance to reply yet, and my father probably thinks I'm dead. Not to mention that for three weeks I've been trying to finish a book that shouldn't have taken more than three days to read."

Haruhi pushed her glasses further up on the bridge of her nose and, exasperated, stared at the sideboard she was forced to push in front of the "love door" to keep Tamaki from breaking in again. She huffed tiredly. _I shouldn't have to go to so much trouble just for a day's worth of peace and quiet._

It wasn't that Haruhi wasn't excited about the wedding. It was just that it was impossible for anyone to be as excited about their upcoming nuptials as Tamaki was. She wasn't trying to be a killjoy, but it was hard to look like anything else when Tamaki was weeping joyfully over boutonnières and pocket square patterns while Haruhi just wanted to sit down and catch her breath for a moment.

"Haruhi?"

"Yes, Tamaki."

"Are you sorry you said yes?"

Haruhi smiled, despite herself.

"No, Tamaki. I'm not sorry. Of course I'm not. I just…I need a break. I need time to myself. Once we're married, we'll be together all the time…"

"And that bothers you?" Tamaki asked, sounding sad for a moment.

Haruhi leaned against the wall by the door and pressed her hand to it.

"No. It doesn't bother me. But I miss having alone time. Up until a couple of years ago I was living with my father. Then you and I moved here together, and our friends invaded the rest of the building. I've never lived completely on my own. I suppose I miss that. Not the loneliness after mother died. I mean being able to spend a Sunday afternoon sipping tea and reading a book, or strolling through the market and planning next week's meals." She gazed at the ring on her finger and shrugged her shoulders. "Maybe I'm just being silly."

Haruhi looked up at the door, concerned by the extended silence. After several more moments passed with still no response from Tamaki, she started to worry.

_I've hurt his feelings. I should apologize. What's another half an hour, another half a dozen pictures of dresses, or bouquets, or -_

There was a knock at the door. Haruhi walked across the small kitchenette and looked through the peephole.

_Tamaki._

She opened the door to find him standing there in a baby blue, terry-cloth bathrobe and matching slippers overtop a set of navy-striped pyjamas. _Well, at least he isn't in a suit this time._ In a second he had wrapped his arms around her, his tall frame encasing her in its warmth. He kissed the top of her head.

"I'm sorry. You're right – I've been pushing you."

"I never said that," Haruhi corrected him, but her words were lost in one of the plush sleeves of his robe.

"I've been very selfish. Of course you should have some time to yourself."

Haruhi, touched by his heartfelt apology, one she was not entirely sure she even deserved now, smiled and squeezed him back. "Thank you, Tam—"

"First thing tomorrow morning you're leaving for Karuizawa."

_Wait…What?_

"Wait…What?"

Tamaki's eyes were sparkling. His arms, suddenly caught up in one of their frequent flourishes, were in the air as though he was preparing to fly her back to Japan on his back.

"You said you needed to take some time for yourself. It'll be perfect, won't it? You can spend a nice, quiet vacation there reading books, steaming sweet potatoes, and boiling eggs to your heart's content! I can stay here and co-ordinate the wedding! You won't have to worry about a thing!"

_Boiling eggs?_

"I can't just pick up and le—"

"Nonsense! It's decided! Start packing, my love! Kyouya –"

_Kyouya?_

To Haruhi's horror, Tamaki's phone, appearing as if from nowhere, was already at his ear with, from what she could hear from where she was standing, a rather disgruntled Kyouya at the other end of it. The poor guy was probably getting ready for bed, if he hadn't already been sleeping.

Not that a vacation wouldn't be welcome – in fact just the thought of it sounded positively heavenly – but it would be a little self-indulgent to leave Tamaki in the lurch just to be able to read a book, or –

"There," Tamaki exclaimed, turning his attention back to Haruhi, eyes glowing, and a boyish smile fixed beneath his perfect, pointed nose. "A car will be around to pick you up at 10 a.m." He lifted her chin, suddenly looking as though he couldn't feel sorrier for her. His voice dropped about two octaves. "I know, I know, Haruhi. You'll miss me terribly. Don't cry, though. All that crisp mountain air, rest, and relaxation will soothe your soul and ease your lonely heart. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, right? Soon, we'll be in each other's arms once again, more in love than ever."

_Oh, brother._

If you take away all the frilliness and melodramatics, Tamaki wasn't entirely wrong. He could be a nuisance at times, but she really did love him, and the thought of being halfway around the world from him tugged at her heartstrings. Tamaki, cupping her face between his large hands, leaned in for a kiss, and as Haruhi reached up for him and pressed her lips to his, she suddenly wondered if leaving was a good idea.

"Tamaki, maybe I shouldn't g –"

"While I have your attention," Tamaki began, straightening to his full height. Just like his phone, he produced three pictures out of thin air, all of men's shoes, all black. "Which pair is more suitable for the reception, do you think? Full brogue, half brogue, or quarter brogue? I was thinking full brogue for the ceremony, then quarter brogue for the reception. Unless we move the ceremony from mid-morning to early afternoon, which would push dinner back to 7 pm, in which case the half brogue would be more suitable for the reception."

Haruhi stared at the three pairs of seemingly identical shoes then looked up at Tamaki's handsome face as he waited with baited breath for her opinion. She sighed. Five more months of this without a break would kill her, she was sure of it.

Tamaki chuckled apologetically. "Forgive me, Haruhi. I interrupted you. What were you going to say?"

Haruhi broke into a huge smile, which set Tamaki's eyes twinkling.

"I was just going to say I should head back inside. I have a lot of packing to do, after all."


	3. Chapter 3

She didn't smell like strawberries.

It was an odd thing to have popped into his head at the time, but there it was.

His heart struck the pit of his stomach hard when the net scooped he and Haruhi up into its confines. He knew where her hands were before he even knew the exact location of his own as the net rocked back and forth and the two tried to get their bearings back. For a moment or two he could feel the fingers of one of her hands gripping his inner-thigh. An arm whizzed past his cheek and his lips were very nearly clipped by one of Haruhi's pointy elbows. His eyes had been closed, but when he opened them, he wasn't prepared to find hers fluttering open only inches away. Suddenly, he couldn't breathe. His heart had been pounding so hard only a moment ago that he was afraid it might burst from his chest, but now he couldn't locate it with a GPS.

Hadn't he ever looked into her eyes before? Surely that couldn't have been the first time.

_Shit._

_Breathe, you moron._

Haruhi's hand left his thigh and grabbed at the side of the net. She closed her eyes again, probably waiting for them to stabilize. No longer under the spell of her eyes or her touch, he was finally able to notice that Kaoru was missing from the equation. That's when he went into full-on panic-mode.

"Stop thrashing around, Hikaru!"

Quickly taking charge of the situation, Haruhi fumbled for her sewing kit (well…Mori's sewing kit), intent on using the small scissors tucked inside to saw through the ropes of the net. If she had been wearing her glasses, she probably would have very primly pushed them up the bridge of her nose, and he wouldn't be so distracted right now by her brown eyes or the long lashes that framed them. He blinked and gave his head a quick shake.

"So even you have a girly side," he said, not meaning to sound as surprised as he was.

"What do you mean 'even _you_ have'?" she sniffed, eyes narrowing coolly.

Trying her best not to disturb the net and start them swaying again, Haruhi carefully turned so that she was facing Hikaru. She leaned forward, one hand reaching over his shoulder to grasp the ropes behind him. Polarized by her sudden proximity, Hikaru made no move to further accommodate her. She carefully climbed into his lap, silently nudging him to open his legs a little so she could get between them. Haruhi's other arm wrapped around his neck and, with scissors in hand, she began to work on the ropes. Hikaru's eyes flit from side to side as he tried to avoid looking at her lips, which he'd never gotten quite a good look at until then, but as she raised herself on her knees to put her back into her work, Hikaru's heart suddenly went into over-drive, thumping wildly behind his ribs as Haruhi's chest came within mere centimetres of his face.

"You do realize…" Hikaru began with a forced nonchalance, "…that this looks way wrong."

"I'm sorry, but I can't move any other way," Haruhi replied, sounding genuinely apologetic. "I know it's a little awkward, but you'll only have to put up with it for a minute or so."

Hikaru closed his eyes and swallowed hard.

"I wouldn't say 'put up with'…" he said under his breath, thanking God his voice didn't crack on him.

It was dark and warm and he found himself feeling more than a little dizzy. He managed to retreat from the awkwardness of their physical nearness into his thoughts. Wholesome thoughts.

She doesn't smell like strawberries.

Girls always smell like something, don't they? Fruit, or flowers, or…

Haruhi didn't really smell like anything besides soap. Just plain old, ordinary laundry soap, which puzzled him because he still found himself turning his head into her hair whenever it came within reach. He thought she'd smell like strawberries simply because he remembered that she liked eating them. But, then she also loved fatty tuna, so…yeah. Anyways, as far as the rest of the student body was concerned, she was a boy, and smelling like strawberries probably wasn't conducive to that.

Haruhi halted all movement, momentarily resting her forehead against Hikaru's shoulder. She let out a long sigh that tickled his ear and blew any trace of wholesome thoughts clear out of his head.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I just need to stop for a second and catch my breath. The rope is so thick and these scissors aren't very sharp. Are you alright?"

Hikaru nodded silently, closing his eyes and swallowing the lump in his throat.

"You just need to bear with it for a little longer, okay?"

_I wonder if she'd let me kiss her?_

Hikaru blinked in surprise. Where did that come from? More importantly – his eyes darted quickly across at Haruhi – did he say that out loud?

Haruhi grunted softly as she went back to labouring on the rope. The sound sent a shiver raging down his spine.

_Oh, God…_

When Hikaru finally answered her, his voice was hoarse. "Instead of 'bearing it'," he rasped, "I think I –"

Suddenly the ropes began to unravel. Hikaru hit the floor first, breaking Haruhi's fall as she landed rather inelegantly on his lap. She had wrapped her arms rather tightly around his neck as the ropes of the net quickly fell apart around them. Without thinking, he had drawn his arms firmly around her waist, pulling her close. The move was completely instinctive, distinctly protective, and startled him utterly.

Before rational thought or chivalry had the chance to take charge, Hikaru found himself running down the hall in search of both his brother and some measure of physical relief, leaving what he could only imagine was a puzzled and rather incensed Haruhi behind.

Looking back on it, Hikaru knew it was a turning point of sorts. He'd been drawn to Haruhi's kind heart the way he'd been drawn to Tamaki's, but that was the first time he was drawn to her physically - intensely enough that when he pulled her into his arms in a bid to protect her from the fall, he wanted to keep pulling. It wasn't just protective, it was possessive. He wasn't prepared for that.

"Hikaru…"

"Mm?"

"Did you hear me? I asked you how you've been sleeping. Though I suppose I just got my answer."

Hikaru snapped back to attention, meeting his brother's eyes on the monitor of his laptop. If they had continued sporting the same hairstyle and colour, there'd still be no doubt as to which one of the twins was which. While getting dressed for breakfast, just before going online to say goodnight to Kaoru, he couldn't help but notice the dark circles under his eyes. Kaoru looked tired, too, though still rather chipper. Hikaru hoped he wasn't putting on an act for his sake.

"I'm sorry. I've just been staying up late watching movies, and...stuff."

Kaoru, who had been laying on his stomach on his bed with his chin tucked into his folded arms, raised himself onto his elbows and smiled knowingly.

"Late night movies and 'stuff', huh?" he grinned.

"Yeah," Hikaru muttered, "Stuff. What's funny about that?"

Kaoru shrugged his shoulders, "Oh, nothing. It couldn't be that absence is making the heart grow fonder, could it?"

"Pfft. Not at all," Hikaru snorted. "I'm just not used to sleeping in an empty house at night."

Kaoru's expression softened. "If you're really that lonely, why not shorten your stay? It's not like I kicked you out and changed the locks."

In the background, Hikaru could hear the familiar sound of Kaoru's cell ringing. Kaoru disappeared from sight for a moment. When he reappeared, he grinned and held up the phone so Hikaru could see the display.

Tamaki. Of course.

"It's almost midnight over there, isn't it?" Hikaru chuckled.

"You thought it was bad before, right? He's called about fifteen times in the last hour."

"Yeesh. What the hell for?"

"I don't know. I was brushing my teeth the other fourteen times he called."

"Do you think something could have happened to Haru –"

Kaoru held his finger to his lips to silence him as he checked his voice mail.

"Oh…" he said quietly. He glanced back up at Hikaru, looking worried. Hikaru's eyes narrowed.

"Kaoru? Kaoru, what's going on? Is Tono alright?"

Kaoru nodded.

"Everything's fine," he said.

"What's with that look on your face, then?"

Kaoru leaned out of view, presumably to put his phone away. "I'm trying to decide if this is an appropriate time to laugh or not."

"Does he need tucking in after another 'everyone shows up in tweed' nightmare?"

"That was my nightmare," Kaoru replied. "Tono's nightmare was the 'the reception dinner is six courses of cake' one. Anyways, that's not it."

"What, then?"

"Haruhi is on her way to Karuizawa in the morning."

WHAT.

Hikaru's eyes practically grew to the size of dinner plates. His heart orbited the suddenly non-functioning brain inside his skull in a panic.

"It isn't true. You're just jerking me around. Or you're up to something."

"Come now, Hikaru. You know me better than anyone. Sending Haruhi to Karuizawa at the exact time as you would be a pretty expensive, time-consuming prank.

"I guess. Though it's also about as contrived as a shojo manga, don't you think?"

Kaoru looked a little wounded by Hikaru's accusations. If Hikaru didn't know how good his brother was at faking "wounded", he might have felt bad for making them.

"Want to hear the message? Here, let me put it on speaker for –"

Hikaru held a hand over his eyes. "Not necessary," he said weakly. He could barely hear his own voice over the sound of his heart still pounding in his ears. "What now? What do I do?"

"Hikaru, it's no big deal. You don't have to do anything. Haruhi will probably be staying at Misuzu's pension."

"Does she know I'm here? It'll be ridiculous if we're both halfway across the world at exactly the same time and I don't talk to her, won't it?"

How the hell could this happen?

"If you did this, Kaoru -" he hissed.

Kaoru smiled.

"Tono made all the arrangements for Haruhi. You can ask her yourself when you visit with her," he teased. "And, yes. If either Tono or Haruhi finds out you were there and couldn't even be bothered to sit down for a cup of tea with her, they'll know something is up. As far as they're concerned, you stopped being an asshole second year."

This was a nightmare. A complete and utter nightmare.

"I should come home," Hikaru blurted. Kaoru rolled his eyes and snorted.

"Okay, listen. Haruhi is obviously there because, like you, Tono drove her out of the country with his incessant wedding nonsense. Just stop in and say hello, then tell her you've got business to attend to. Make up some excuse. Tell her to enjoy the rest of her trip, and leave. You're being really silly right now, Hikaru. I don't believe you're the ticking time bomb you think you are."

"Says you," he muttered.

"I can't hold your hand through this. God knows I wish I could, but I can't. Your feelings for Haruhi are different from mine. You know I love Haruhi, too, but it isn't quite the same, is it? You're the only one who knows what's best for you, and I suspect you know what's best for Haruhi, too."

Hikaru squeezed his eyes shut, suddenly overcome by dizziness.

"You should go to bed, Kaoru. I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?"

Kaoru nodded, probably realizing his brother had reached his threshold as far as talking about his emotions was concerned. "Fine. But before I go…"

Hikaru looked away, irrationally affronted that his brother would abandon him at a time like this, even if he was the one who suggested it. Kaoru leaned in close, pressing the palm of his hand to the monitor as though he were pressing his hand to his brother's cheek.

"Haruhi told me once that I should have faith in you. I do. I have faith in you, Hikaru. But that isn't going to be enough all the time. You need to have faith in you, too."

Hikaru said nothing. Kaoru chuckled at his brother's stubborn pride.

"Speak soon, then."

And he was gone.

"Bye, Kaoru," Hikaru whispered belatedly.

He stood and wandered to the balcony doors, desperately needing some fresh air to clear his head. When he held the curtain aside to peer outside, however, he saw that the lake his bedroom overlooked was dark and restless under a rather foreboding mass of grey clouds. Dry leaves crackled and hissed as they swept across the stone balcony.

Just as Hikaru was thinking that it looked like a thunderstorm might end up keeping him confined to the house all day, along with a sudden Tono-like paranoia that his world was about to fall spectacularly to pieces, the clouds seemed to burst and the rain began to fall.

Hikaru knew his brother couldn't control the weather, but he cursed him for it anyway. There was no way Kaoru wasn't behind all this. How could he not be? He remembered how Kaoru was so easily able to manipulate things to suit his purposes, like timing his confession to Haruhi at the amusement park so that Hikaru would see it all unfold, including the kiss that accompanied it.

Kaoru was the one who suggested Hikaru leave town, but it was his own idea to head to Karuizawa. Kaoru tried to talk him out of it. But his phone ringing, and Kaoru listening to Tono's message while Hikaru was watching him…That could have been staged, right? Kaoru said that Tono was the one who made all the arrangements for Haruhi, but Kaoru could easily have taken a cue from Kyouya and somehow planted the idea to send her there in his head.

_Wait a minute._

_It was my idea to come to Karuizawa…_

_Wasn't it?_

Hikaru wondered when and how Kaoru had managed to become far more skilled at lying than he ever was. Hikaru always took credit for being the mastermind behind their elaborate pranks, but Kaoru was the one who knew what would work on whom. Instead of playing puppet master, Kaoru knew how to get their toys to pull their own strings. Without him, Hikaru's plans would fall flat. He supposed it was because Kaoru made an effort to understand other people. The only person Hikaru ever bothered to try to understand was Kaoru. To understand Kaoru was to understand himself, and vice-versa, after all. That's what they'd always believed, anyways. Up until they met Tamaki, the twins lived life as a single entity.

Over the past couple of years, though, Hikaru had learned that, not only did he not have as firm a grasp on the inner workings of his brother's heart and mind as he'd always thought he did, he had almost no grasp on those of his own.


	4. Chapter 4

The only thing scarier than being caught in a thunderstorm, Haruhi decided, was being on a plane caught in a thunderstorm. Haruhi had no idea how long she was going to be staying in Karuizawa, but she knew she would need a considerable amount of time to soothe her frayed nerves before she attempted to get on a plane again. Her jaw was still sore from nearly gnawing through her seatbelt.

She had insisted to Tamaki that she was not interested in taking a jet to Tokyo. When he reminded her how long it would take to get there, and that she'd have to get on a second plane in Vancouver, she almost gave in. That is until, in the midst of his melodramatic display, he uttered the words, "I will not allow…" at which point she told him there was no way in hell she was getting on a jet.

Poor Tamaki. The moment the words had come out of his mouth, he clapped both his hands over it, eyes growing in horror. He knew immediately that he'd made a colossal error and there was no coming back from it. Not able to keep from finding it amusing, Haruhi watched him sweat and shake as he tried to backtrack for a few minutes before finally putting him out of his misery by giving in and smiling warmly at him. Her decision remained firm, though. Instead of a private jet, she'd be taking a commercial flight for which she'd pay Tamaki back half the fare (however long that took).

Haruhi let Tamaki sleep over on their last night together, something she never did outside of when he'd fall asleep on her sofa after they would watch a movie together. She was a little nervous about the trip - she had a niggling feeling she was forgetting something but couldn't, for the life of her, think of what it was - so she had the hardest time falling asleep. She watched Tamaki's handsome face as he slept. He was snoring very softly, the fine, blonde hair that usually hung boyishly in front of his violet eyes drifted with each gentle exhale.

She thought about how, once they were married, she'd wake up to his perfect face and sweeping declarations of love every morning. They'd have breakfast together, something usually reserved just for Saturdays and Sundays. They'd have dinner together, and tell each other about their day. They'd get ready for bed together, fall asleep beside each other, every day for the rest of their -

Suddenly, Haruhi felt like she was going to throw up.

Haruhi threw the duvet from her body and hurled herself in the direction of the bathroom. She came very close to throwing up in the bathtub, but the rush of cold air once she was out from under the duvet bought her a few extra seconds. After losing her dinner, she threw some water on her face, brushed her teeth, and, bleary-eyed, headed back to bed. Somehow, Tamaki had managed to sleep through the entire thing. Haruhi was glad for that. He would never have let her get on the plane if he thought she was sick.

She knew it was probably just nerves. The wedding had been weighing on her mind for weeks. Add to that the fact that this whole trip had been thrown together so quickly it had left her head spinning, and the butterflies wreaking havoc in her stomach made perfect sense. Was leaving the wedding planning to Tamaki going to be a huge disaster? Probably, but she was perfectly comfortable risking disaster right now. She could take care of the fallout once she returned from Japan. In the meantime, she needed the rest. She was one hundred percent sure she'd return in a much better state of mind, and that it would be better for both herself and Tamaki.

_It's just nerves._

Once Haruhi had settled back into bed, she sidled closer to Tamaki, softly kissed his perfect, cherubic lips, and pulled one of his sleep-heavy arms around her waist. Confident she'd flushed away all those nasty little butterflies from her stomach, Haruhi forced herself to finish her incomplete thought from earlier.

"Together… for the rest of our lives," she whispered, closing her eyes.

Needless to say, after two separate flights, one of which was delayed, and one seemingly endless train ride, all Haruhi wanted to do was take a few dozen sedatives, locate the nearest bed, and sleep for the next five to ten years. Unfortunately it wasn't until she was standing in front of Misuzu's pension that she realized what she'd forgotten – that thing that had been bothering her since her last night in Boston.

_It's closed._

_How…?_

"This isn't happening. Is this actually happening?" Haruhi shouted to no one in particular as she stood outside of the gate of Misuzu's pension and stared in utter disbelief, at its darkened windows. Confused and exhausted, Haruhi let the handle of her suitcase slip out of hand. It fell on its side and she plopped rather inelegantly on top of it. She took a couple of deep, calming breaths.

Of course. Mei had outlined the trip she and her father were taking to Paris for Autumn Fashion Week in her last email to her less than a week ago. Haruhi had only just been complaining to Tamaki the other night that she hadn't had even a minute to herself to reply to it. She knew she hadn't been herself lately, but this was ridiculous. How could she have forgotten such a thing?

For that matter, hadn't Kyouya made all the arrangements at Tamaki's behest? Shouldn't he have known the pension was closed? She remembered that when Tamaki had called him to make the arrangements, it was pretty late, at least for the likes of Kyouya who was an absolute beast on any less than nine hours sleep, or so she'd heard. Both frustration and exhaustion would account for this very rare lapse in Kyouya's almost immaculate record as Tamaki's go-to guy. Had Tamaki driven _everyone_ insane with his relentless flights of wedding fancy? It wasn't just her world being turned upside-down anymore.

Haruhi clenched her fists until her knuckles turned white.

_Okay, okay. Calm down._

Haruhi closed her eyes and let out a long sigh.

_Better. Now think._

After a few moments of silence, Haruhi calmly reached into her duffel bag for her phone.

* * *

><p>Hikaru was sleeping soundly for the first time since arriving in Karuizawa. He'd managed to not only fall asleep, but stay asleep. Sleeping, he didn't feel guilty that the thing that had his body determined to make the most of the night was his dreaming.<p>

In Hikaru's dreams, he was able to carry on a conversation with Haruhi without worrying about saying something ignorant, arrogant, or obnoxious. In his dreams, Hikaru could touch Haruhi's hair as he spoke, could let the very tips of his fingers ghost along her jawline, tip her chin up so he could look her in the eye, could kiss the soft spot just behind her earlobe. In Hikaru's dreams, he knew it was soft because the feel of her skin beneath his lips was familiar, though the shivers that ran through his body took control of him as though each kiss was the first kiss.

In his dreams, Hikaru could tell Haruhi he loved her as many times as the sun would rise and set between now and the end of their days, and the universe wouldn't fold in on itself.

"…Hikaru…"

"Hm?"

"…ster Hikaru…"

His forehead creased at the sound of a very masculine intruder's voice. Hikaru's hands tightened around Haruhi's, but, as the seconds steadily got away from him, his fingers slipped through hers as though they were made of…

…well…

…dreams.

"Master Hikaru…"

Hikaru sat bolt upright in bed with fire in his eyes.

"WHAT?" he shouted.

His pyjama-clad valet, whose name Hikaru still hadn't bothered to remember, was standing in the doorway of his bedroom, his long shadow shielding his eyes from the very bright light of the hallway.

"What time is it? Is it morning?"

"No," began the valet nervously. "I – There's a young gentleman at the door asking for you. I tried turning him away but he claims to be a friend of yours and Master Kaoru's. He insists that it's an emergency.

Hikaru rubbed his eyes and cursed under his breath as he glanced at his bedside clock.

_Jesus. It's not even 3 a.m._

"Have one of the housemaids put some tea on for me. I'll be down in a minute to see what the hell is going on."

"Yes, sir."

As the valet gently closed the door, Hikaru barked, "Remember for next time – unless the house is on fire, I don't want you coming into my room. I won't wake up before 10 a.m. while on vacation."

He clenched his jaw and threw his sheets off to the side. Climbing out of bed, he snatched the robe hanging on his bedpost. After wrapping it around himself, he flew down the hall that led to the foyer. The lights of the massive chandelier that hung above it were blinding. For a moment, the man standing at the foot of the stairs was little more than a blurry, lumpy thing with huge owl-eyes.

Slowly, the home invader came into focus. Before long, Owl Eyes became Haruhi, looking not much different from the first time he'd ever laid eyes on her, except this time the baggy, over-sized sweater was green, paired with a shapeless pair of blue jeans and sneakers. She was wearing her glasses, of course, and her hair, closer to her shoulders now than he had ever seen it in person, was falling sloppily out of the newsboy cap on her head. A suitcase stood at her side, and she had a duffel bag almost as big as she was strapped to her back.

"Ha…Haruhi?"

He quickly made his way down the stairs, cinching the belt of his robe tighter around his waist and hoping beyond hope that he hadn't neglected to do up the button on his pyjama pants after using the bathroom before getting into bed.

She looked exhausted. Her body was slouching to one side, and, even from where he was standing, he could see the circles under her eyes behind her glasses. On seeing him, she let the duffel bag drop from around her shoulders, the thud it made as it hit the floor bounced off every wall of the enormous room. Once he was standing in front of Haruhi, though, Hikaru suddenly felt like the walls had closed in on the two, leaving them alone together in a room about the size of an armoire.

"Haruhi, what are you doing he –"

Haruhi shook her head and, once he was within arm's reach, pressed her fingers to his lips. Hikaru's eyes widened with surprise. He swallowed the lump that had suddenly leapt to his throat. Haruhi removed her glasses, closing her eyes and pinching the bridge of her nose between her thumb and forefinger.

"Hikaru, I'm sorry but would you mind if we left the explanations until the morning? I haven't slept in two days."

He dumbly shook his head. Hikaru's lips were still tingling where she'd touched them.

"Thank you," she sighed. "Could you show me to a bed, please?"

"S-sure. Come on," he stammered. He grabbed her duffel bag in one hand and her suitcase in the other and slowly ascended the stairs. Haruhi silently dragged herself along behind him. Once he located a spare bedroom for her as far away from his own as possible, she flopped face-first onto the bed and muttered something under her breath that sounded an awful lot like, "I'm going to kill him". The corner of Hikaru's mouth quirked with amusement, knowing the chances were very high that Tono was supposed to be on the receiving end of that threat.

Not surprisingly, by the time Hikaru returned to check on her after setting her bags down at the foot of the bed, he found that she was fast asleep. He removed her hat and glasses, and, grabbing her by the ankles, swerved the lower half of her body, which was hanging off the side of the bed, onto the mattress to join the rest of her. Not wanting to further disturb her, he left her sneakers on, but folded the sides of the duvet she lay on over top of her. The room wasn't particularly chilly, but it seemed like the right thing to do. She crinkled her nose, and her eyebrows knitted together in her sleep. He leaned over her to push the hair that seemed to be causing the disturbance off her face. As he drew his hand back to his side, his thumb traced the line of her ear, brushed the spot behind her earlobe. It was just as soft as he'd dreamt it was.

"Haruhi?" he whispered. Of course there was no answer. He didn't know where her tired mind had taken her, but he knew she was far enough away from him right now that she wouldn't hear him.

_I just need to say it once_, _then everything will be okay._ _I just need to say it out loud one more time._

"I love you, Haruhi."

_God, I love you._

The words brought him no joy, no relief. Angry at himself for making such a stupid mistake, Hikaru shook his head. "Idiot," he hissed, tears of frustration springing to his eyes. He quietly exited the room, carefully closing the door behind him. As he walked back to his room, he almost crashed into his valet, who was carrying a tray with the tea he'd requested earlier.

"Sir, should I bring the tea to your room?"

"Pour it into your lap!" Hikaru spat, marching past him and slamming the door to his bedroom shut. The moment the words were out of Hikaru's mouth, he knew he should have apologized to the poor guy for misplacing his anger, but he was afraid it might diffuse his rage, and he wanted it perfectly intact when he called Kaoru to rail at him for putting him in this hellish predicament.


	5. Chapter 5

PHEW!

I'm hoping this isn't as riddled with typos as I imagine it is. I haven't written anything in a while, so I'm very rusty. I'm hoping characters are staying in character (for the most part), and that some measure of justice is being done to the original source material. That's a nice way of saying I hope I don't completely fuck my first attempt at something non-Bebop-related completely sideways. And that's a not-so-nice way of saying I really hope you're enjoying this.

Thank you so much for the reads and reviews. They're very much appreciated. :)

ssg.x.

* * *

><p>Hikaru lay in bed staring up at the ceiling for what felt like hours after having his little chat with Koaru. Kaoru's calm demeanor as he explained to his brother that Haruhi had arrived at Misuzu's pension only to find it was closed for the next couple of weeks unnerved Hikaru. Again, he couldn't shake the feeling that Kaoru was playing Great and Powerful Oz with his life.<p>

"_She_ called _me_, Hikaru. How would I have gotten that to happen, do you suppose? Mind control?" Kaoru snipped, evidently no longer taking his brother's accusations lightly. Despite Kaoru's annoyance, Hikaru wasn't going to just hand his twin the benefit of the doubt, especially not before speaking with Haruhi to see if their stories matched, but he knew that without irrefutable proof he was just going to look like a crazy person right now.

"Listen. Do whatever you want. Come home. Throw her out. I don't care. I have to get going, Hikaru. I'll tell everyone you said hello," Kaoru said coolly, promptly hanging up on him before he could get another word in.

"Don't you _dare_, Ka –"

When he realized Kaoru was gone, Hikaru swore loudly and threw his phone across the room. It bounced against the wall and disappeared into the shadows. He sank to the floor at the foot of his bed and sighed, bringing his knees up to his chin and leaning against them. He thought about Kaoru being angry with him and his stomach ached. He thought about Haruhi sleeping a mere few walls away and his heart ached.

There was never a better time to climb under the covers and never come out.

* * *

><p>When Hikaru's eyes opened, he was horrified to find it was almost 2 p.m. The sun was coming up by the time he'd finally fallen asleep, but he didn't know he'd needed the eight hours so badly. Once his eyes closed for good, though, time passed as quickly as though it had ridden in and out on a flash of lightning.<p>

_Haruhi…_

Oh, Jesus! She must be wondering where the hell he was!

He stumbled into the bedroom's adjoining bathroom, showering and dressing as fast as he could. He raced down the hall, stopping short at the top of the stairwell, thankful he didn't bowl Haruhi over as she climbed the steps towards him wearing a fresh pair of dark jeans with the cuffs sloppily rolled up and a white blouse that wouldn't have been quite the fashion nightmare it was if it wasn't two sizes too big for her. Did the girl own anything that fit her properly?

"You're done sulking?" she asked stonily.

Hikaru blinked.

"Sulking?" he repeated, puzzled. He looked past her and saw her suitcase and duffel bag at the bottom of the stairwell. He looked back up at her and frowned.

"Haruhi, what's going on?"

A little frown of her own pulled at the corners of her mouth. She wouldn't look him in the eye.

"I was just coming to find you to say goodbye. I've made arrangements to stay at another pension not too far away from Misuzu's. I thought it would be weird for both of us if I stayed here. I literally just showed up out of the blue. I'm sorry for that, Hikaru."

Hikaru's head was spinning. He needed some coffee and some food in his stomach to process what was going on. Haruhi looked nowhere near willing to wait for that to happen.

"Did I do something wrong?"

A slip of her chestnut brown hair fell in front of her eyes. Thankfully, her fingers reached it before his could. She tucked it behind her ear and shrugged her shoulders, suddenly looking more sad than angry. Hikaru couldn't decide if one was preferable to the other, though, as his mind was now almost altogether distracted with trying to conjure up the memory of how it smelled that night they got trapped in the net.

"You didn't do anything wrong, Hikaru. I woke you up in the middle of the night, and it was very kind of you to let me stay, but…"

Haruhi stared down at her sneakers. Hikaru nervously ran his hand through his hair.

"But…?"

"I don't think I'd be very comfortable here."

"Oh…"

Haruhi's eyes finally met his. He bit his lip hard and his heart tripped over itself in his chest. When was the last time she looked him in the eyes this way? When was the last time they were the only two people in a room together?

"I heard what you said," she said quietly.

"What I said?"

Haruhi began wringing her hands together.

"Yes. What you said. Last night."

_Jesus Christ._

"_I love you, Haruhi."_

_There's no way._

She was asleep, wasn't she?

"I just think…it'd be weird," Haruhi said, drawing Hikaru out of his silent panic.

"Wow…" he whispered, feeling a little sick to his stomach. "It was that bad, huh?"

Haruhi nodded, looking down at her hands. Hikaru had always known that if the day ever came that he'd confess his feelings to Haruhi again, it might ruffle her feathers a little, but he had no idea she'd react with disgust. The hurt he felt quickly began to turn into simmering anger.

"I thought we were friends," he said quietly, fists and teeth clenching. All he did was tell her he loved her. Even if she didn't return his feelings, he didn't think she'd stand there looking at him as though he'd just slammed a door on her fingers.

"What?" she asked, looking incredulous. "We _are_ friends. I wouldn't have come here if I thought it was going to be such a big deal. I was stuck, though. I had nowhere else to go and it was the middle of the night. _You're_ asking _me_ if we're friends? Up until a few hours ago I thought we were. I didn't realize that my coming here was going to put you out so much."

Her voice was hard, and he saw her jaw tighten. Her eyes, though…

Tears.

Her eyes were shimmering with them.

_Wait…_

Hikaru buried his face in his hands to hide his relief on realizing that Haruhi wasn't talking about his confession. She must have overheard his call with Kaoru and misunderstood the meaning behind his anger. Before he could stop himself, he chuckled. Haruhi's frown deepened. She turned abruptly and started back down the stairs.

"I'll see you back in Boston, if you can still bother yourself to be in the same room as me," she called back to him tightly.

"Hey! Wait a minute!" Hikaru shouted, stumbling after her. He reached for her arm but she jerked away from him. She ducked to pick up her duffel bag, but he grabbed her wrist and shook the handle loose from her hand. She squirmed in his grip.

"Hikaru, let go of me!"

Checking himself, he took a step back, shoving his hands into his pockets.

"I'm sorry. But…what you said. About my being bothered…"

Haruhi nervously began twisting her engagement ring around her finger. Hikaru tried not to let the simple, likely-unconscious action distract him, but it was taking quite the effort.

"You've been avoiding us. Tamaki and I."

"That…that's not true," he snapped. Haruhi continued to fidget with her ring and Hikaru found himself having to close his eyes just to be able to finish his thought. "I only just saw you last week."

"Yes. And you barely said two words to me," she said quietly. She sighed. "Look. I know Tamaki has been driving everyone to distraction lately. But, Hikaru..."

When she spoke his name, it felt like a fist was closing around his heart.

"Hikaru, you and Kaoru are both very special to me."

_You and Kaoru_.

"It sounds stupid, but I…I can't do this without you."

_This?_

Her eyes met his again, and he found it utterly disarming. Her mouth opened and closed without a sound a couple of times before she finally spoke, albeit very slowly.

"I threw up."

That effectively put a stop to the spell Haruhi's warm breath silently pushing past her lips was casting on him.

"I was in bed thinking about weddings, and marriage, and…"

Hikaru's eyes widened and his stomach dropped. "Jesus! You're not pregnant, are you?"

Haruhi looked mortified. "What? Of course not!" She glared at him. "Leave it to you to say something so grossly inappropriate!"

He groaned, feeling like a moron. After a tense few seconds, though, Haruhi started to laugh. The sound lapped at his burning ears like cool water. He found it a little puzzling that she found his gaffe so amusing, but he didn't ask any questions.

"Haruhi, listen. Forget whatever I said last night. I'm an idiot. It's got nothing to do with you or Tono. I'm just…It's just dumb stuff."

She eyed him suspiciously, assumedly tapping into whatever methods she usually used to get a reading on whether or not he was keeping something from her. He smiled uneasily and, after a moment or two, she smiled back, seemingly satisfied that he wasn't lying to her.

"I want you to stay, okay? I mean if Tono is alright with -"

Haruhi held up her hand to stop him. "Tamaki isn't my keeper. If it really isn't a bother, I would love to stay. You won't have to entertain me. I'll stay out of your way."

"Please don't," Hikaru said before he could stop himself. His eyes flit in Haruhi's direction. She was clumsily trying to haul her duffel bag up and over her shoulder. He took it from her, blushing furiously. "Please don't feel like you're being a bother," he amended.

Haruhi smiled and nodded. She stooped to pick up her suitcase then followed Hikaru back up the stairs. Once standing in the doorway of her room, he almost jumped out of his skin when he felt Haruhi's long, thin fingers on his wrist. He pulled away, walking past her into her room and laying the duffel bag down at the foot of her bed. He knew she was looking at him, probably wondering what his problem was, but he hoped she'd leave it alone. How could he possibly explain that he didn't want her touching him while she had Tamaki's ring on that finger?

"Hikaru," she began.

"Yeah?"

She continued to watch him from the doorway.

"Things are okay, right? You and I, I mean. We're friends again?"

"Don't be dumb," he replied, his back turned to her. "Of course we're friends."

"Oh," she said quietly, sounding unconvinced. "Okay."

He squeezed his eyes shut. He hated making her uncomfortable, but he was stuck between letting her think he was being his usual egocentric, unobservant self, or telling her he couldn't be around her because he was in love with her, and that the ring hurt his eyes and left a smoking hole in his heart. Unfortunately, the former was the only option that wouldn't result in humiliation and some form of emotional alienation from everyone he loved.

"I'm going to get something to eat. If you need anything, you can get a hold of the house staff by picking up the phone on your bedside table."

He turned to leave the room. As he tried to walk around her, though, she stopped him in his tracks by wrapping her arms around his waist. She leaned her head against his back.

"Hikaru…"

His heart started pounding so hard he could have sworn he felt it in his ribs. He was just about to ask her what the hell had possessed her to do such a thing when he heard her muffled voice, felt it reverberating through every one of his ribs.

"Your hair is wet."

Hikaru's head cocked to one side.

"What…?"

"You always dry your hair after you wash it," Haruhi explained. "Remember when we were on that ski trip? You chewed my head off because I was going to go to bed after my bath with wet hair. You insisted on drying it. You're always on my case about not taking care of my hair." He felt her arms tightening around him.

He glanced down at her hands, which were folded one over top of the other at the waist of his jeans. He couldn't remember her being quite this close to him before. He remembered blow-drying her hair, though. Her hair was fine, but there was a lot of it. It was soft and shiny, no thanks to Haruhi. He was nervous and overcome with guilt for having asked Tono to stay home instead of joining them on the class trip. His hands had been shaking, just the way they were shaking now.

"Something's bothering you," she said, her voice getting harder and harder to hear the tighter she held him to her. "I won't push you, but I hope that if and when you're ready, you'll let me into that thick skull of yours."

Once he was confident that his hand had stopped trembling, Hikaru cupped it over hers. He bit his lip and nodded. Realizing she couldn't see him nodding, he croaked out an "okay", then extricated himself from her hold on him and slipped out the door, closing it behind him.

He leaned heavily against the wall across from her room and stared at the closed door, then the floor, then the ceiling. Hikaru decided he needed to go for a walk to clear his head and gather his wits about himself, along with the nerve to call his brother and beg for his forgiveness. If Kaoru wanted to continue playing puppet master, so be it. Hikaru couldn't care less now. He just needed his brother back.

_I don't know what to do._

_Kaoru…_

"I can't do this by myself," he whispered.

If Kaoru was pulling his strings, Hikaru desperately needed him here now to pull them harder.

* * *

><p>Haruhi wrapped her arms around herself and stared at the space Hikaru had occupied only moments ago. There was a dull ache in her chest, a chill left there that she didn't quite understand. She thought about finding him again, if only to apologize for her behaviour. She had hugged him, and that was wholly too…Western.<p>

Americans hugged to greet friends, hugged to say goodbye, hugged to comfort others, and hugged to comfort themselves. It was a custom that took some getting used to during her first few months in Boston, but she eventually warmed up to it, as did the rest of the Ouran crew, with the exception of Kyouya, whose usual standoffishness didn't quite lend itself so well to such displays of affection, and probably never would.

Kaoru gave the best hugs. Whenever he greeted her, he'd wrap his arms around her shoulders and squeeze ever-so-gently. When he hugged her, she felt as though he were cradling her with his whole heart. But that was Kaoru. He was no less mischievous than Hikaru, but there was a kindness there that he seemed incapable or unwilling to keep under restraints any longer. He happily wore his heart on his sleeve, and it made him a joy to be around.

She could really have used one of Kaoru's hugs just then.

_Hikaru…_

He was so cold to her.

For weeks he'd been so distant. He and his brother lived just upstairs, and still she barely saw him. They used to walk to class together, the three of them, but by the middle of final semester, Hikaru was up and out of the apartment in the morning long before she was, leaving she and Kaoru to walk to class without him. And if he wasn't rushing off the moment class was over to who-knows-where, he was coming up with lame excuses to linger on campus when Haruhi and Kaoru tried to make plans to spend some time together in the afternoon.

He was avoiding her, and it hurt her on more than one level. Did he think she was too stupid to realize he was doing it? Was the need to be away from her so strong that he couldn't be in the same room with her long enough to tell her why he slowly but steadily seemed to be cutting her out of his life. Or was he cutting himself out of hers?

The second Sunday of the month was always reserved for the Ouran alumni. No matter what was going on in their lives, Tamaki, Honey, Mori, Kyouya, and the twins would keep that particular Sunday free so the group of them could catch up with each other and enjoy a brunch hosted and catered by herself. The apartment was cramped, of course, and the spread wasn't all that lavish, but everyone always had a good time. Kyouya would even turn off his phone to enjoy his friends' company, and Mori would say more than two words at a time, as he'd have been collecting them over the course of a month.

Hikaru had missed the last two brunches. Both times, Kaoru offered apologies and explanations to the rest of the group on his brother's behalf. It reminded Haruhi so much of the time Hikaru had been so nasty to her old classmate, Arai-kun. After she slapped him for going too far, an action that surprised even herself at the time, he had stormed to his room, prompting Kaoru to try to pass himself off as Hikaru so that he could apologize to Arai-kun in his place.

She thought about asking Tamaki if he'd noticed the emotional distance Hikaru was putting between them, but eventually decided against it. Knowing Tamaki and how he hated ever having anyone be angry with him, he'd badger Hikaru until he admitted to avoiding them, which would result in Hikaru proceeding to apologize to Tamaki out of guilt without the issue actually being addressed. It would go a long way to putting Tamaki at ease, but she suspected it would do neither Haruhi nor Hikaru any favours.

She had carefully broached the subject with Kaoru, though, to be honest, she wasn't sure Kaoru was going to tell her what was really behind his brother's detachment from the friends who loved him. He'd been playing the part of Hikaru's spin doctor for some time now.

"You know Hikaru. Things are changing, and he doesn't like change," Kaoru had said to her by way of explanation. She didn't know if he knew that for a fact, or if he was trying to keep her from worrying about things.

_Things are changing…_

Last night, when Kaoru insisted to a stranded Haruhi that she head to the family's Karuizawa residence, she argued against it, telling him that perhaps Hikaru wanted to be alone. He hadn't told anyone he was leaving town, after all. Or maybe he just hadn't told _her_ he was leaving town. She was wary of seeing Hikaru, but calling Tamaki was a last resort she hoped she wouldn't have to visit. He'd probably have men with nets running all over the country to track her down and throw her on a Suoh private jet back to Boston within the hour.

Today, for just a moment, she could see a glimpse of the Hikaru she'd become such good friends with these last couple of years. What happened between the warm smile he gave her at the bottom of the stairs only five minutes ago, and the cold shoulder he left her with just now?

She told him she'd be waiting for him to open up to her, but thinking about it now, who was she kidding? Hikaru's upsetting behaviour had been going on for months already, and the point of coming to Karuizawa was to relax and get her mind off of things. That was going to be impossible as long as things were so tense between the two of them. She couldn't wait for him to come to her. She didn't have that kind of time. She needed to get to the bottom of things now so that, depending on the outcome of the confrontation, she could determine whether or not she needed to leave.

She swung the door to her room open and headed determinedly towards the stairwell. Hikaru was standing below in the foyer wearing a charcoal pea coat and boots, poised to walk out the front door.

"Hikaru," Haruhi called out.

Clearly startled, Hikaru looked up at Haruhi with wide, amber eyes. Haruhi felt her breath catch in her throat. She hadn't realized until now how long it had been since he'd held steady eye contact with her for more than just a second or two.

"You're going out?" she asked, immediately feeling stupid for it.

_You're such an idiot. Of course he's going out. Coat? Boots? Open door?_

"For a walk," he replied.

_I guess it's too much to hope he'll ask me along_, she thought after a moment of the two of them staring at each other silently.

So be it.

"I'm going with you," she said.

Hikaru shook his head. "Haruhi, I don't think –"

"_I'm going with you_," she said again sternly. "This is supposed to be my vacation, and I have every intention of making the most of it. I don't have time to waste playing emotional volleyball with you. We're going for a walk, and you're going to open up to me if I have to tie you to a tree along the way and starve it out of you."


	6. Chapter 6

So.

Thank you so much for the reviews. I'm so sorry I've been so slow when it comes to updating. I'm hoping that winter means more cozy, sitting-with-my-laptop time, which will translate into more frequent updates. I'm behind on this one, and way behind on my massive Cowboy Bebop one, so I really need to get my ass in gear. My writing is rusty, and it shows. I appreciate when you let me know how badly (or not-so-badly) it's showing. Don't hesitate to whip me into shape.

This chapter is rather messy editing-wise, and I do a lot of jumping around from one head to the other (which is a big fiction-writing no-no), but it's up because I figure up is better than down, and I'm curious to know what you think.

Thanks again so very much for reading.

Speak soon.

ssg.x.

* * *

><p>For the longest time, Hikaru and Haruhi walked beside each other with nary a word spoken between the two, which was both uncomfortable and unnatural. Haruhi had meant what she'd said to him before they left the house. She had absolutely no intention of letting him weasel his way out of telling her what's had him acting like a jack-ass for the past few months. She just wished her bravado hadn't distracted her so much from grabbing a warmer jacket before following Hikaru out the door. Her teeth were chattering as they rounded the lake behind the Hitachiin residence and another frigid gust of wind rolled off the water and pushed past her.<p>

If she didn't want her lips to freeze and fall off her face before getting a single word out of him, Haruhi had to get him talking now. Hikaru walked ahead of her with his hands shoved in his pockets. Ignoring how good the warm wool of his coat felt against her cold skin as she slipped her hand through his arm, she grabbed him and tugged hard, stopping him in his tracks.

"What's all this about, Hikaru?" she asked, her physical discomfort making her words come out sounding harsher than she meant them to.

Hikaru pulled away from her with far more force than was required, and it almost sent her toppling. Moments before she grabbed him, he'd been thinking about how cold she probably was right now, and how much he admired her stubbornness. The instinct to pull her against him and make her warm again frightened him. He had no choice. He had to pull away from her.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I keep doing that."

Hikaru finally turned to get a good look at her. "Doing what?"

"Touching you," she answered, shrugging her shoulders. "Bad habit I picked up in Boston, I guess." She paused, waiting for him to say something. When he didn't volley back, her eyebrows knitted together and she frowned. "Oh, come on! You could smile at least! I can't take it anymore, Hikaru. I can't stay here. It's like…"

Haruhi's voice trailed off and she bit her lip.

"Like what?" Hikaru asked carefully, trying his best not to sound too interested in whatever she was going to say next. In that second he decided he had to agree with her earlier assessment of the situation. He had to let her go. If she hated him for it, so be it. If it meant he was going to get an earful from Tono and the rest of the gang for being a selfish, inconsiderate asshole, it would just be business as usual. They'd get over it. The alternative would have far more severe consequences.

"It's like you're dead inside, Hikaru."

Hikaru, trying his hardest not to look visibly wounded by her words, felt a brief but distinct disconnect from Haruhi. Dead inside? How could she think he was dead inside? If he could pull his flesh and ribs aside like a curtain, pluck his living, pulsing heart out of his chest to place in her hands and prove to her just how alive he felt right now just standing here with her….

_She's crazy_, he thought.

_Dead inside. If only._

"Did that hurt?" Haruhi asked, studying him.

"Did what hurt?" he asked coolly.

"What I said just now. Did it hurt?"

"No," he lied easily, turning his nose up at her. "Was it meant to?"

Haruhi drew her shoulders up and crossed her arms, squirming uncomfortably in her thin denim jacket. Hikaru's fingernails bit into the heels of the hands balled up inside his coat pockets. He wordlessly willed her to grant them both some mercy by turning around and heading back to the house.

The only thing keeping Haruhi from telling Hikaru to shove it just then was her pride. He was underestimating her, lying to her, and she could strangle him for it. She wasn't blind - she could see that he was in pain. A great deal of pain, if her estimation was correct. He hadn't lost his temper yet, which should have happened ages ago. He hadn't run off, and he hadn't told her to get lost. From that, she was quickly able to deduce that, for whatever reason, he wanted her to be the one to leave him alone. He wasn't chasing her away.

_He wants me here, but he doesn't want me here. That's it, right?_

"Does this have something to do with Kaoru?" she asked.

Hikaru bristled noticeably, eyes narrowing.

"What makes you think that?"

"You were arguing with him last night."

"So? We're brothers. We argue all the time."

"That's not true," Haruhi chuckled. "In all the time I've known you, you've only ever had three fights. And one of them turned out to be a prank. Or turned into a prank. I'm still not sure how much of it was real and how much of it was just part of the show. Do you remember?"

Of course he remembered. Three important things happened that day. The first was that Kaoru rather abrasively vocalized Hikaru's dormant crush on Haruhi in front of the entire host club and their clientele. The second was that Haruhi unwittingly came out as the one known person in the universe who could tell the twins apart. The third, much to Hikaru's dismay to this very day, is that she guilelessly pinned him as being "the meaner twin" – a reputation that has proven to be almost impossible to shake.

"I remember," Hikaru said quietly from somewhere far away.

"I'm sorry."

Haruhi's voice drew him out of his stupor. Puzzled, Hikaru cocked his head to one side, waiting for her to elaborate. She didn't say anything for the longest time. When she finally did speak, the words came slowly.

"I just realized that all three arguments… they all started because I was careless."

"Careless?"

"I say stupid, thoughtless things sometimes."

Hikaru couldn't argue with that. It was one of the few things he and Haruhi had in common. He shifted his focus elsewhere to keep from saying it out loud, still wanting to avoid engaging her in the conversation she seemed so desperate to have.

"Three fights," he mused. "What was the third?"

"Just before you first coloured your hair. Kaoru took me on that weird date to the amusement park. He kissed me," she replied. Hikaru scowled at the memory. He wondered if Haruhi ever found out that the private moment shared between she and his brother didn't actually end up being all that private.

"He was using me to upset you. I couldn't understand why at the time, and, to be honest, I'm not sure I understand now. I suspect I was probably being my usual, oblivious self." Haruhi threaded her fingers together around her small mouth to breathe some warm air into her hands.

_Almost there_, Hikaru thought, watching her wrap her arms around herself.

"He wanted you to think he was replacing you with me. That was it, wasn't it?" she said, looking at Hikaru for confirmation. Hikaru, taken aback by how wrong she'd gotten it, snorted.

"You really are dense, aren't you?" he said, the gold in his eyes flaring. "You've got it all backwards. He wasn't using anyone. Kaoru wouldn't do anything like that. He doesn't have a selfish bone in his body."

HIkaru felt a sharp pain in his chest remembering Kaoru's dumb, selfless act that day at the amusement park. He gave up on Haruhi because he knew his feelings for her weren't of the same calibre as Hikaru's. He tried to stoke a fire beneath him to get him on his feet and after the girl he'd fallen in love with.

"Kaoru wasn't trying to trick me into thinking he was replacing me with you. He was trying to trick me into replacing him with you."

Confused, Haruhi gave her head a good, solid shake. Hikaru, lost in his thoughts, hardly noticed.

_All those horrible things I said to him…_

"Everything he does…it's always for me," Hikaru whispered, turning away from Haruhi.

Perhaps this was another one of Kaoru's gifts.

Time alone with Haruhi before they go their separate ways, maybe.

Closure.

_Something._

"Crap," Hikaru muttered.

_He's given me this gift, messed up as it is, and I'm…_

"Hikaru?"

Haruhi watched him with wide, concerned eyes.

"I'm sorry, Hikaru. I didn't mean to accuse him of –"

"I still…it still…" he stammered softly. Haruhi bit her lip to silence herself. "It still feels like I can't breathe…when we're away from each other for too long."

The words seemed to trip him. His head dropped forward, and his shoulders sagged. She reached out her hand to touch him, but then gave it a second too much thought. She let her hand drift back to her side. She was uncomfortable, not sure anymore that she was supposed to be privy to what seemed to have suddenly become very private thoughts. Though Hikaru was speaking them aloud, the faraway look in his eyes made her wonder if he'd forgotten she was there.

"I feel like I can't breathe. Like there's a rope around my throat pulling tighter the farther we are from each other."

She felt the strange pull in her fingers again, like fine, invisible threads, inviting her to touch his shoulder, the hair at the nape of his neck. She was fighting the urge to physically comfort him, a great urge that required an even greater effort on her part to ignore. She finally decided that she should stick to what she knew. She knew words. A lot of words, actually. Though, truthfully, she couldn't admit to remembering a single one just then.

"It's wrong," Hikaru croaked.

Stricken by the heartache in his voice, her eyes widened. Words came so fast suddenly that she wasn't sure how much sense Hikaru would be able to make of them once they'd left her lips.

"Hikaru, do you remember how rotten you used to be in high school?"

_Not off to a very good start_, Haruhi thought, mentally slapping herself upside the head. Ignoring Hikaru's venomous side-eye, she pressed onward.

"You'd tease and torment everyone around you. The world was your playground, and we were all your toys. You used people's deepest fears and insecurities to manipulate a situation for maximum entertainment value. You'd set the ball in motion, sit back, and enjoy the show."

Hikaru said nothing. He continued to stare off in the direction of where the sun had already started to dip below the horizon. It was getting colder, but Haruhi found herself suddenly too worked up to be affected by that.

"I know what you're going to say," she continued. "You're going to tell me that Kaoru managed to break away, become his own man, and that he's all the better for it. You're going to try to tell me how much less mature you are than him, and how much weaker you've always been than him, and that you can't move forward without him pushing you there -"

"Haruhi…" he whispered, shaking his head.

"You've grown so much these past couple of years, Hikaru. You're just as capable of being mature, and strong, and you'll never be able to talk me into believing otherwise. Missing your brother is natural. The most natural thing in the world. You don't think I miss my mother? You don't think that every single day I feel like a part of me is missing? Does that make me weak? Does that make me immature? Look how much you've grown, Hikaru. Look how strong you are. I see it. Why can't you see it?"

Haruhi made a much-belated move to cover her mouth, feeling stupid for letting it run on the way it just had. Here she was, talking about growing up and becoming a mature young adult, and she just verbally spanked one of her best friends as though he were some sort of bratty five-year-old.

_Hikaru..._

"Hikaru…"

No wonder he couldn't stand being around her. This thing between the twins had probably been festering for some time. Maybe weeks, months, or who knows how long? And all she'd been doing these past few weeks was focusing on how it related to her, how it was affecting her.

_I can't do this without you._

She couldn't believe she'd said that to him. These wedding jitters, or whatever they were, were hers to deal with, and hers alone. How dare she try to use guilt to get him to open up to her. Hikaru was right. She _was_ dense, and selfish, and cowardly, and…

She could see his shoulders suddenly tense, could see the muscle in his jaw tighten. His Adam's apple leapt against the inner wall of his long, pale throat.

_Now you've done it_, she thought.

His hand flew out, fingers catching and closing tightly around her wrist. She gasped and winced at the sudden electricity coursing through the appendages, up along her arm, straight into her chest. He lifted his head, looking across at her sharply. His eyes were brimming with angry tears.

"I wasn't talking about Kaoru," he said firmly.

Haruhi blinked.

"What?"

Hikaru closed his eyes and swallowed the hard lump in his throat.

"I wasn't talking about Kaoru," he said again, roughly. His grip on her wrist tightened. These words, these actions, he thought, only served to disprove everything she just said about him. She'd know in another minute or two how immature and selfish he truly was.

"I was talking about you," he muttered.

There. He said it. Sort of. Thoroughly frustrated and ashamed of his behaviour, he let go of her, quickly running his hand through his dark hair, then across his face, trailing tears behind it.

_Shit._

"I love you."

_Still._

"I still love you."

Echoing the very first time he confessed his feelings, Haruhi stared at him, unblinking, her expression impossible to read. Estimating that there was no way he could possibly look any dumber, or less like the grownup she'd presumed he was, Hikaru decided not to wait around for the rejection this time around. Maybe this would be the one call he'd make today that wouldn't end up being a huge, irreparable mistake. He straightened to his full height and turned his back to her.

"Do whatever you want with that," he said.

_It's the last time I'm ever going to say it._

He started to walk away, though evidently without as much determination as he'd thought.

He felt a hard tug on the hem of one of his sleeves, turned his head and saw Haruhi's small hand at the end of it. The second the connection was made, he found himself spinning back towards her as though she had him by the neck. And, as he'd explained to her, in so many ways she did. His breath suddenly came harder and faster, and when he couldn't help it any longer, he looked down to where, based on past experience, he expected to find her eyes, but found her lips instead. She was stretched on the very tips her toes. He realized in that second that, for whatever reason, she was as desperate to close the distance between them as he was.

The last lucid thought he had before their very first kiss was a most dire wish that it wouldn't be their last, even if he knew better.

_She's in love with Tono, you idiot._

_What am I doing?_

_This is a mistake_, she thought. _A horrible mistake._

Even still, Haruhi found herself threading her arms around the back of his neck, holding on mightily to maintain their perfect parallel. If she dropped even half an inch in height, she'd lose him. They'd have to start talking again, and she wasn't sure what she wanted to say yet. She wasn't sure what this was yet.

_And this kiss…_

She wasn't quite ready to give it up yet.

He tightened his arms around Haruhi's small waist. With little effort he hauled her up against himself, momentarily aligning his hips with hers, and she found herself suddenly panicking. He set her down on slightly higher ground so she wouldn't have to fumble trying to balance on her toes. As though he was trying to make up for startling her, he reached up and gently drew his fingers through her hair, nudging her lips apart with his own, the very tip of his tongue timidly seeking out hers.

It was a little thing, but it was a thoughtful thing, and even after everything Hikaru had done to show her again and again that he was no longer the selfish, arrogant, mean-spirited boy he once was, he still managed to surprise her.

A sad, silky moan slipped past Hikaru's lips, warm against hers, and Haruhi felt it in her knees.

"…ruhi…"

"…Hika…"

His name sounded wonderful suspended between her lips and his, Hikaru decided.

When he gently cupped the back of her head, tilting his own to one side to deepen the kiss, it invoked a soft whimper beyond her control. Their lips met again and again, leaving her head spinning.

Haruhi wondered if this was his first kiss. She couldn't quite put her finger on why, but the way his mouth felt on hers, the way his fingers hummed against her skin, it was as though he was exploring her, like he'd never been this close to a girl before. Of course that wasn't true. He and Kaoru physically pushed and pulled her through every single hall and across every marble tile of Ouran Academy's massive campus back in the day.

Not to mention all those girls that served as the Hitachiins' adoring clientele. Surely an opportunity must have arisen for Hikaru to…

Surely…

_This is different, though, isn't it?_

One of Hikaru's hands, the one not tangling itself in her hair, reached tentatively for her waist. His fingers followed the line of it, beneath her jacket, unfurling across her back. A shiver had its way with her, and, despite herself, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and nestled against him to stop the tremors. His scent was unexpectedly organic and alive, like burning wood, or moist earth, and a heat rolled off his body, enveloping hers.

And then she thought it before she could stop herself. She hoped this was his first kiss. The idea of him having kissed anyone but her before now suddenly bothered her. Like…_really_ bothered her.

Hikaru's thumb gently stroked the bit of bare skin he found at the small of her back, beneath the gauzy, cotton blouse she was wearing. A frisson of excitement coursed through him. His breathing hitched as his fingers and thoughts lingered on the ribbon of naked flesh at the base of her spine.

Saying it one more time probably wouldn't kill him.

"Haruhi..." he breathed.

_Last time. I promise._

"Hikaru…" Haruhi whispered against his lips, slowly coming to her senses. "Don't…"

Not fast enough to stop him, though.

"I love –"

Haruhi began to shake her head in near-panic, pushing against his chest to grant herself the distance needed to clear her head.

"Stop, Hikaru…"

He stumbled several steps back as a result of Haruhi shoving him. He tried to search her eyes for an explanation, but her head was lowered, her hair hanging like a dark curtain between them, hiding whatever expression she had on her face. He made a move for her hand, but she turned her back to him, bringing it close to her chest.

"I'm sorry," she said tightly. "This was a mistake. I shouldn't have let it happen."

Hikaru stared at the back of her head, willing her to turn around. He could see her body tensing, as though she could feel the weight of his eyes on her.

"A mistake…?"

Haruhi was afraid to look at him, though it would hardly have made a difference. His face was already etched in her mind, and she'd seen hurt on it before. Namely, the last time he confessed his feelings to her and she rejected him.

This time it was much, much worse, though. They were older now. He was capable of articulating his feelings far beyond the simple "I like you" from that day long ago. She was engaged to another man, a man they both loved. Leading Hikaru on the way she just had, letting his lips linger on hers, welcoming his whispered words into her heart and mind when there was little she could do or say in return - it was crueller than any trick he or his brother could have ever played on her. On anyone.

Had she completely lost her mind? What was happening to her?

"Hikaru…I'm sorry."

Her voice broke as she said it. She wasn't sure yet how she wanted him to respond. Part of her wanted him to be angry. Very angry. That was the Hikaru she'd had experience handling in the past, and that was the one she felt her actions warranted most just then.

When Haruhi finally mustered up the courage to look him in the eyes, she was completely unnerved by what she saw.

Nothing. Just darkness.

The sun had set, leaving a bitter chill in its wake, and Hikaru was gone.


	7. Chapter 7

Phew! Am I ever happy you're still reading!

ssg.x.

* * *

><p>By the time Haruhi felt courageous enough to venture back into the house to face the impending wrath she imagined Hikaru would unleash on her, her entire body was numb. Probably for the best, she thought. She was sure he was going to be spitting fire at her.<p>

Actually, that wasn't accurate. She _hoped_ he would unleash his wrath on her. She _hoped_ he would spit fire at her. Trying to apply logic to the illogical, Haruhi had talked herself into believing that the angrier and messier the imminent confrontation was, the quicker it would blow over. After all, shouting was still talking, wasn't it? If Haruhi had to choose between being shouted at and being shunned, her preference would definitely be the former, especially after her experience over the past couple of months standing behind Hikaru's very cold shoulder.

Haruhi walked along the edge of the lake, alternately wringing her hands together and breathing warm air into them, frequently glancing towards where she guessed the balcony that lead into Hikaru's bedroom was. She wasn't sure what she was waiting for exactly. Was she waiting to see his shadow cross the doors? Was she waiting for a light to come on? The curtains to close? What then?

Eventually she found herself gravitating towards the main entrance of the house, ready to face whatever was to be found on the other side of the door, at least as far as her behaviour following the kiss was concerned. She hadn't even begun to sort through Hikaru's confession, or the kiss itself.

The moment her thoughts began to migrate in that direction, she felt dizzy instead of indifferent. She certainly wasn't comfortable with that. When she was first coming to realize her feelings for Tamaki, the symptoms weren't unlike those of the flu. She remembered walking from class to class with a scarf wrapped around her face in case there was a chance whatever she had could be contagious. She smirked, still embarrassed by the memory, but that was quickly replaced by a frown.

No. This isn't the same thing.

Of course she was feeling dizzy. She was still jet-lagged and she'd been ill the night before the flight. She was so preoccupied with thoughts of Hikaru and what could have been bothering him this morning that she hadn't eaten anything. Should she really be all that concerned about a little dizziness?

Shouldn't…

Shouldn't she feel awful, though? She didn't feel awful. The guilt over hurting Hikaru felt awful, yes. The thought of all the pain he'd been in all this time, keeping his feelings to himself, being afraid of hurting Tamaki, afraid of hurting her, pushing her away while Haruhi tried her hardest to pull him back to her, it was like a knife in her chest. The kiss, though. The kiss was the one thing that didn't feel awful.

And _that_ made her feel awful.

She clenched her fists and set her jaw, ready for the confrontation waiting for her inside. The confrontation wasn't ready for her, though. Hikaru was nowhere to be found. Was he hiding from her? Truth be told, it was a big house. He wouldn't have to make much of a concerted effort to avoid her if that was what he was doing. She finally decided to just wait for him by his bedroom door, but not before drawing herself a bath in her room's adjoining bathroom to get her blood circulating again. She made sure to dry her hair, too. She didn't want to tick him off more than she probably already had. She put on her pyjamas, wrapped herself up in one of the guest robes hanging in her closet, grabbed her pillow and plopped herself down beside his bedroom door, ready to camp out for as long as she had to.

* * *

><p>Seven hours later, Haruhi felt a hard nudge in her ribs and slowly opened her eyes, swatting blindly at whatever was continuing the incessant prodding. It didn't take long for her to realize it was a foot. Hikaru's foot. He was standing over her, dressed and holding a teacup in one hand, its saucer in the other. He took a sip, his eyes on hers betraying nothing.<p>

"What time is it?" she mumbled, scratching her head and slowly sitting up. Hikaru nudged her in the ribs again, hard. "Ow! I'm awake!"

"I know," Hikaru said. He turned and headed into his room.

_Fine. I deserved that._

"You haven't been up all night, have you?" she asked, fumbling to stand. She followed him into his room, half-expecting him to slam the door in her face.

"No," he said. "I went to sleep not long after you did."

Haruhi's eyes narrowed. "Wait a second. You came up to bed, saw me lying in the hall over there, and just went to sleep like nothing happened?"

"That's the sum of it, yes."

"Why didn't you wake me up?" Haruhi asked, annoyed.

"What for?" Hikaru shrugged. He took another sip of his tea, his eyes offering up zero hints as to what was going through his head just then.

"Oh, I don't know," she drawled sarcastically. "So we could talk, maybe? So I wouldn't have to spend the night on the floor?" she snapped, ready to snatch the cup right out of his hand to throw its contents in his face.

"Talk about what?"

"Hikaru, come on."

He chuckled. Its hollowness sent a shiver down her spine. "I think that after yesterday we may be all talked out. In fact I think we should have stopped short of saying a lot of stuff yesterday."

Haruhi shook her head. "I'm not sorry you told me how you feel. I'm not sorry you don't have to keep that inside anymore. I mean at least not around me."

Hikaru pressed his lips together and glanced into the cup in his hand. He placed the cup and saucer carefully on his night table and turned away from her, looking rather disappointed to no longer have anything to occupy his hands.

"You won't tell Tono, then?" he said quietly.

"No," she said. "Not if you don't want me to."

Hikaru nodded. Haruhi reached out her hand and Hikaru hesitantly took it. Haruhi smiled, squeezing his fingers gently.

"It's my own fault for letting it get out of hand," she said softly. "I hope you'll forgive me. It was…awkward, but it's something we can get past. No one outside of us needs to know."

Hikaru roughly tugged his hand away from hers, sending her teetering a few steps back. Taken completely by surprise, Haruhi glanced at her empty hand before looking up into Hikaru's furious face.

"Let's get one thing straight," he said, gritting his teeth. "You didn't_ let_ anything get out of hand. You didn't_ let_ anything happen."

Haruhi was stunned. It was like someone had flicked a switch on her.

"I don't know what you mean," she replied calmly, hoping she could lead the rest of the conversation by example.

"You said the same thing last night. You said you 'shouldn't have let it happen'. You didn't let anything happen," Hikaru elaborated, his voice dropping a notch or two in volume like she hoped it would.

"I did," she said. "And I'm sorry for it. What happened last night isn't your fault."

"I know what happened last night isn't my fault. I told you I love you. I do love you. I knew it last night, and I know it this morning. But you…"

It took a moment or two for Haruhi to realize Hikaru's voice had trailed off. Her heart was pounding so hard it was almost hard to hear anything after "I do love you".

"Me..?" she said breathlessly.

"Haruhi,_ you kissed me_."

"_I_ kissed you?"

"Yes! You kissed me!" Hikaru was looking at her as though she'd lost her mind. It was all she needed to sober up fast.

"I did not!" she squawked.

"Yes, you did," Hikaru said firmly, crossing his arms. "I told you I loved you. I told you to do what you wanted with that bit of information. I started to walk away, and you stopped me. You kissed me. _You_ kissed _me_."

"Th-that isn't what happened at all!" Haruhi sputtered, outraged.

Hikaru smirked. "Oh, it isn't?" he asked, amber eyes wide with mock innocence.

"No, it isn't. I…I stopped you from walking away, but…you…then you…and I…and then…then there was…"

Hikaru raised an eyebrow. "Then there was…?"

Haruhi flopped down on the floor in a heap and buried her face in her hands. "Kissing," she groaned. "Oh, my God. You're right. I kissed you. I didn't let it happen! I _made_ it happen!"

"I'm glad we cleared that up," Hikaru said.

Haruhi looked up at him, eyes wide with panic. "Clear up? What did we clear up? We didn't clear anything up! How is anything cleared up?" She grabbed one of the legs of his trousers and tugged hard. "Nothing is cleared up, Hikaru! How could this happen?" She started frantically shaking her head, neck-deep in the throes of a very Tamaki-like tantrum. "You know what? I've changed my mind! This is your fault! This is all your fault!"

"My fault? How is this suddenly my fault again?" Hikaru yelled. "This is completely _your_ fault! You kissed me!"

"Because you told me you loved me!"

"You made me tell you! You wouldn't get off my back! We'd been outside for hours! It was either tell you or freeze to death!"

"That's preposterous," Haruhi spat. "You were acting like a jackass! What was I supposed to do?"

"I was acting like a jackass because I'm in love with you and I didn't want anyone to get hurt! I was doing what I thought was best for you and that idiot fiancé of yours!"

"First of all, that_ idiot_ is your best friend! Second of all, since when do you do what you think is best for anyone but yourself?"

Hikaru's jaw dropped at that, but he recovered quickly. "Oh, forgive me! Why should anything be about me when everything always has to be about you?"

"Excuse me?!" she roared, scrambling to get to her feet.

"You heard me!" he shouted. "How dare Hikaru want some time to himself? How dare Hikaru miss a couple of brunch dates with a bunch of people he sees or talks to just about every other goddamn day? How dare Hikaru not be around to hold my hair back when I throw up?"

"God forbid I miss having one of my best friends around while I'm trying to get ready for the most important day of my life," she hissed.

"Oh, who are you kidding?" Hikaru sneered, positively incensed now. "Tamaki is the one getting ready for the most important day of your life! Hell, _I'm _the one getting ready for the most important day of your life! You know where you've been? With your head buried in your books where we can find it about ninety-nine percent of the time! Buried deep between the pages where you won't have to deal with real life!" Hikaru shouted, throwing his hands up in the air. "And what's the first thing that happens when you lift your head and get a whiff of real life? You vomit!"

"You don't know what you're talking about!" Haruhi clenched her fists, ready to clock him.

Hikaru laughed, "I know exactly what I'm talking about. The way I figure it, last night you kissed me for one of two reasons. Either you're not sure getting married is such a good idea anymore, or you're not sure getting married to _Tamaki_ is such a good idea anymore."

"Then you're an even bigger jerk than I thought you were! Why would you let me kiss you? If you knew I was only kissing you for one of those two reasons, why did you kiss me back? If you have no respect for me _or_ Tamaki, fine! Whatever! But what about yourself? Do you have even a shred of self-respect?" she demanded.

"I guess for just a second I was hoping there might be a third reason," Hikaru sighed, looking exasperated.

"A third reason? Enlighten me, then! What's the third reason?" Haruhi shouted.

Without warning, Hikaru pressed his lips to hers, wrapping his hands around her slender arms and lifting her practically off her feet and into the kiss. When he broke away she was trembling and, much to her horror, not with anger. She was silently thankful Hikaru had been holding onto her arms because she couldn't be sure the kiss would have ever ended if she'd been able to move them.

With baited breath and heavy-lidded eyes she watched his lips as he spoke.

"You kissed me because you wanted to kiss me."


	8. Chapter 8

So.

As usual, I"m sorry the update is so incredibly late. I'm already working on the next chapter, so hopefully it won't be such a long wait next time. Thanks so much for your patience and your reviews. I do so love and appreciate them. Never stop letting me know what you think, okay? :)

See you soon!

ssg.x.

* * *

><p>Right up until the second Hikaru's lips met Haruhi's, the voice in his head hissed, <em>don't do it.<em> Then all thoughts were plunged into cool, blissful silence, lost somewhere between his mouth and hers. When he pulled away, he watched her eyes flutter open, and the thought of her closing her eyes when he kissed her made his chest ache. She brought her fingers to her lips.

"Hikaru…" she whispered.

He didn't see the slap coming. That's not to say he didn't deserve it, though.

"You're supposed to be our friend!" Haruhi shouted. Her arms dropped down to her sides, fists balling tightly. She looked like she was getting ready to hit him again. "Why are you doing this to us?"

"I am your friend. I just…I'm sorry," he croaked. He buried his head in his hands, leaning back heavily on the wall behind him. "I'm sorry, Haruhi. I don't know what I'm doing."

_God, I wish Kaoru was here._

"You're destroying our friendship, that's what you're doing!" Haruhi cried. "Hikaru, I'll take responsibility for what happened last night, but today? Today we're both supposed to be in our right minds. This can't happen again."

Hikaru squeezed his eyes shut, not sure if, when he opened them again, he wanted to find himself in Boston a week ago, Ouran four years ago, or right here – knowing what it was like to kiss Haruhi. Okay, maybe four minutes ago, seconds before the kiss, just so he could kiss her again.

"I don't want to lose you," Haruhi said. After a beat, a blush rose on her cheeks. His stomach clenched. Her eyes widened, "As a friend," she added. "But I can't lose Tamaki either. I love him."

_I love him, too._

"I won't kiss you again," Hikaru whispered. "I promise." He was nowhere near as perceptive as Kaoru was, but it didn't stop him from trying to read Haruhi's reaction to his words. She looked relieved, and he felt his blood start to boil.

"Thank you, Hikaru," Haruhi said, letting out a breath she may have been holding in. Hikaru clenched his fists.

"If…" he began.

"If…?" Haruhi frowned.

Hikaru squeezed his eyes shut. _I do. I do love Tamaki. _But did that mean he had to be beholden to him for the rest of his life? "I promise never to kiss you again if you tell me why you kissed me back just now. Tell me why you kissed me first last night. And 'I don't know' isn't an acceptable answer."

Looking somewhat taken aback, Haruhi unsteadily replied, "You'll have to accept it. I don't know why any of this happened."

"Not acceptable."

"Not my problem," Haruhi snapped. "Hikaru, I don't want to leave with us angry at each other, but it doesn't look like we're going to have a choice. Maybe once we're both back in Boston, things will eventually fix themselves."

Hikaru stood taller. The late morning sun pouring in through the glass doors leading out to the balcony cast his shadow along the floor further towards Haruhi, as though it were reaching for her when he couldn't. There would be no end to it, he thought. They'll both finish school, eventually go their separate ways, but not before Haruhi marries Tamaki, with him in attendance.

"I'm not going back to Boston." Hikaru said the words before he could be sure what he meant by them. Was it a bluff or did he just realize that the best thing for everyone involved was for him to…

"I don't mean right this second," Haruhi asserted.

"Neither do I," he said firmly. "I'm not going back to Boston. I'm staying here."

Haruhi tilted her head to one side and narrowed her eyes. "What do you mean? You're not coming back? You're never coming back?"

Hikaru stared at her silently, willing the desired reaction out of her. Because as he stood there watching her scratching her head of messy, dark hair, beautiful brown eyes staring back at his, searching for answers, he realized that he'd made up his mind. He would stay here, and he wanted Haruhi to hate that, to beg him to go back to Boston. It wouldn't make a difference, but he wanted it nonetheless.

"You coward," she spat. "You're trying to emotionally manipulate me just because I didn't answer your questions the way you wanted me to!"

Hikaru shook his head. "No. And you have no idea how I wanted you to answer my questions. I'm staying here because I'm useless in Boston. I can't think. You know I can hear you when you walk around in your apartment? I hear you moving from the kitchen to the living area, from there to bed. I know when you've finished breakfast, when Tamaki has slept over. I time my mornings around yours. I try to leave the apartment before you head into the bathroom for your shower so I don't have to run into you on the way to class."

"So I'm ruining your life, is that it? This is my fault?" Haruhi scowled. She yanked at the sash of her robe, cinching it tighter around herself, and turned towards the door. In his frustration, Hikaru grabbed her arm to stop her, squeezing harder than he meant to.

"No," he hissed. "You really can't _not_ make this about you, can you? This is about _me_. I can't function there. I can't do it anymore. You've only known how I feel about you for less than twenty-four hours. I've been coping with these feelings for four years. When you kissed me last night, there was no going back. And it doesn't matter whose 'fault' that was."

Hikaru let go of Haruhi's arm. He was a little surprised when she didn't run off. Instead, she lowered her eyes as though she couldn't look at him any longer, teeth biting hard into her bottom lip.

"I should shower and get dressed. I'll…I should call Tamaki," Haruhi's voice trailed off as she abruptly turned and left the room.

Hikaru silently watched her go, wondering if she was going to tell Tamaki what had happened between them, and if she was going to end up finding another place to stay here in Karuizawa, pay a visit to her father, or just head back to Boston. He hated the way they were going to be leaving things, but he wasn't all that sorry to see her go. He couldn't think when she was around, and he really needed to think about how he was going to break the news to Kaoru that he wouldn't be returning to Boston. He wondered if there was any way he'd be able to do that without telling Kaoru about the past twenty-four hours.

_Kaoru…_

Would Kaoru be able to let him go?

Could Hikaru leave Kaoru behind?

_Fuck. I'm such a drama queen._

The more Hikaru thought about it, the more sense leaving school and moving back to Japan was making. Haruhi and Kaoru both believed he could thrive away from his brother. And, like Kaoru said the other night, it wasn't like Hikaru had been permanently kicked out of the country. He could go back if he was unhappy, or visit on holidays.

And, really, his friends would end up back in Japan again eventually. Tamaki's grandmother had insisted on the wedding happening in Toshima, and no one dared argue with her. Hikaru knew that there'd be no avoiding attending the ceremony, but a single needle straight into the vein was preferable to a series of needles just missing it.

Hikaru used the phone on his bedside table to call downstairs and ask that someone be sent out into town to hunt down some tonkotsu ramen and pork cheek. He had become addicted to it while he was living in Boston. Most of the Japanese places near campus served commoner's fare. Onigiri, tempura, gyoza, ramen, rolls, et cetera; food that can be bought cheaply, eaten quickly and, if packaged correctly, travel neatly. The dish that left the best impression on him was the tonkotsu ramen, though he hadn't yet been able to put a finger on why. It was just food. Why should he have any emotional attachment to food? Who develops an emotional attachment to food? People like Tamaki develop weird, emotional attachments to food, that's who. And teddy bears. And big, slobbery dogs. And kotatsus.

And antagonistic, arrogant, nihilistic twins.

Within the hour, Hikaru was eating the tonkotsu ramen and pork cheek he'd requested while seated at the small table out on his bedroom's adjoining balcony as he thumbed through the latest issue of _Grind_ on his tablet. He'd actually managed to stop thinking about Kaoru, Tamaki and Haruhi for a few minutes, distracting himself with editorial fashion spreads on skinny ties, velour waistcoats, and creepers. It was nice to be able to look through a magazine that didn't have "bride", "bells", "groom" or "wedding" in the title for a change.

Hikaru had finished eating and was about halfway through _Vogue Hommes Japan_ when he heard one of the balcony doors open behind him. He turned his head, looking back over his shoulder.

_Haruhi._

She was back in jeans and another ill-fitting sweater, this one navy blue, with a neckline that couldn't decide if it wanted to hang off of just one shoulder or both. She was wearing cute, pink ballet flats, though, and it looked as though she'd actually decided to use a hairdryer.

"Hikaru..." she called out, not really making eye contact with him. She reached up to sweep her long bangs off her face and tucked them behind her ear. Hikaru stood and pushed his hands into the pockets of his jeans. He really wanted to touch her hair. It was still weird seeing it almost down to her shoulders. There was a time back when he was in high school when he would have loved if she'd been able to grow out her hair like the girl in those middle school photographs Kyouya was always able to get his hands on. After a while, though…well…Hikaru literally didn't want to change a single strand on Haruhi's beautiful head.

"What?"

"I talked to Tamaki," she said.

Hikaru nodded slowly. "I see. Did you tell him what happened?"

"No," she replied, mirroring Hikaru by shoving her hands into her pockets. "It wouldn't be fair of me to tell him over the phone."

"Does that mean you're going to tell him when you get home?"

"I don't know," Haruhi sighed. "That isn't what I want to talk about right now."

Hikaru shrugged his shoulders; a lame attempt at nonchalance. "What _do_ you want to talk about, then?"

Haruhi closed her eyes and exhaled slowly.

"What we were talking about earlier…" she began hesitantly. "I…I'll answer your questions the best that I can, if you answer mine."

Hikaru eyed her suspiciously. Why the sudden change of heart? He did a quick mental sweep of his closet for skeletons in case this was some sort of trick before nodding.

"You answer mine first and we have a deal," he replied. He held out his hand, and Haruhi, looking a little thrown by the gesture, slowly reached out to take it. Their handshake lasted a few seconds longer than it probably should have. The pad of Hikaru's thumb stroked Haruhi's skin beneath it. Her fingers curled into the palm of his hand. For a brief moment, they weren't shaking hands. For a brief moment, they were holding hands, and the reluctance to let go was palpable. Hikaru tried not to read too much into it; the date of the wedding was drawing closer and closer, and Haruhi was probably just using him to keep it at a manageable distance.

"Deal," Haruhi croaked.

* * *

><p>"You sound strange, Haruhi. Are you coming down with something?"<p>

"I'm okay, Tamaki. I'm still jet-lagged. It's nothing to worry about."

Haruhi gripped the hem of her sweater and the phone against her ear until her knuckles ached.

"I'll probably go right to bed after dinner tonight. I'm still really tired. I just... I miss you," she said, praying Tamaki couldn't hear the wobble in her voice.

"I miss you, too. How is Hikaru? Staying out of your way, I hope," Tamaki chuckled. Haruhi's shoulders tensed.

"What does that mean?" she asked nervously. Tamaki laughed again.

"You said you had a bunch of reading you wanted to catch up on, remember? Has he gotten you into any trouble yet? Don't let him drag you around town if you aren't feeling well, okay? The twins were never very good at taking 'no' for an answer."

_Oh, god._

"Hikaru is fine. The house is huge, so I haven't seen very much of him," she lied unsteadily.

This was a bad idea. She was hoping the sound of Tamaki's voice would be comforting, but all it was doing was making her feel much, much worse than she already did. Of course she figured that Tamaki would ask about Hikaru, and that she would have to withhold some details about the past day or so, but it didn't even occur to her that she may have to outright lie to him the way she just had.

"I have a surprise for you, Haruhi. It'll be ready and waiting for you when you come home."

"A surprise?" Haruhi repeated, sounding more wary than intrigued. "What kind of surprise?"

Tamaki's surprises always varied from small and sweet to embarrassingly grand and much more fun for the golden-haired prince than herself. It could be a simple gesture, like leaving a tin of her favourite loose tea on the kitchen counter for her to find the next morning, or it could be something absolutely absurd, like Tamaki pulling up in front of the apartment complex in a horse-drawn carriage, dressed as Beau Brummel, insisting she let him give her a ride to class.

"A _surprise _surprise, Haruhi," Tamaki laughed.

"Tamaki, you know how I feel about surprises."

"Don't worry, Haruhi. I know you'll love it."

Haruhi arched an eyebrow. "No horses?"

"No horses."

"No music, or cosplay, or parades?"

"None of that," he insisted. "I promise you'll love it. Come now, Haruhi! Who knows you better than me?"

* * *

><p>"Why did you kiss me last night?" Hikaru asked her again.<p>

Haruhi's eyes fluttered closed. She took a slow, deep breath.

"When you told me how you felt about me…did you think about how it would affect my relationship with Tamaki? Or your relationship with Tamaki?"

Hikaru snorted, annoyed, and shook his head, "I'm not answering that. That wasn't our deal. We agreed that you were going to answer my question first."

Haruhi, her eyes still closed, clenched her fists, "Because I think that's why I kissed you. Because you didn't care."

"_Of course I care_. I wouldn't have kept quiet for as long as I had if I didn't care about our friendship. I only told you because –" Hikaru stopped, eyes widening and jaw dropping just a little bit. "Wait a second. _Why_ did you kiss me?"

Haruhi sighed heavily, then cursed under her breath. Hikaru wasn't sure if she was frustrated with him for not understanding, or at herself for not making sense. "I think I kissed you because you're…you. I mean, you're haughty and selfish, and rude and insensitive –"

"Alright, alright. I get it. I'm a despicable human being," Hikaru snapped angrily. "I'm the anti-Tamaki. What's your point? Those sound more like reasons to stay the hell away from me than to stick your tongue in my mouth."

Haruhi gasped, looking absolutely mortified. "I did _not_ stick my tongue in your mouth!"

Hikaru, not being able to keep from grinning at her reaction, brought his hands up to rest against the back of his head as he strolled towards the edge of the balcony.

"You totally stuck your tongue in my mouth," he teased. "I may be any number of awful things, but forgetful won't ever make the list. You think I'd forget something like –"

"Your first kiss?" Haruhi interrupted.

Hikaru stiffened, his arms falling down to his sides, his heart dropping into his stomach. "My first kiss?"

"I answered your question," Haruhi said quietly. "It's your turn to answer mine."

"You've already asked your question," Hikaru replied. "And I'm tired of this conversation. Just last night you were telling me I had changed. You told me I wasn't the same kid I was in highschool. Suddenly I'm an awful person again because I trusted our friendship enough to tell you what was bothering me when you asked? You wanted to know what was bothering me and I told you. I'm not sure how that makes me the asshole here."

Hikaru spun on his heel and marched towards the French doors leading back into his bedroom, nearly bowling Haruhi over along the way.

"I never said you were an asshole," Haruhi called after him. She had to jog to fall in line with his long strides.

"Oh, I'm sorry - you're absolutely right. You called me everything_ but_ an asshole." Hikaru swung open one of the doors, ducked inside quickly, and almost slammed it closed in her face. Instead, he inadvertently slammed it on her wrist as she attempted to grab his arm. She cried out and when he saw what he had done, he reached for her but she recoiled from his touch, jerking her injured wrist away from him, cradling it against her chest.

"Jesus, Haruhi! I'm sorry!" Hikaru ran to the phone at his bedside and called downstairs for ice, then, despite all her struggling, he firmly grasped her shoulders and guided her to the foot of his bed, imploring her to sit down while he had a look at her wrist. She swatted at him a couple of times, muttering, "Leave me alone" once or twice, but he was insistent. He ran two fingers across the palm of her hand then along each of her fingers, asking her if she could feel his touch.

"Yes," she replied quietly.

"Is it because I was bad?" he whispered, getting down on one knee in front of her.

"What? The wrist you probably sprained?" she hissed.

"The…the kissing. Is that why you assumed it was my first kiss?"

_You may have fractured her wrist and all you can think about is whether or not you're a bad kisser? Geez, you _are _an asshole._

"No," Haruhi said after an incredibly long pause. Then, "I don't think anything is broken. Can you have the ice sent to my room, please?" She tried to stand up, but Hikaru gently squeezed the elbow of her uninjured arm.

"Was that going to be your question? Whether or not that was my first kiss?"

Haruhi shrugged her shoulders and looked away.

"Haruhi, I don't know why you've been so angry with me. I don't understand why you're trying so hard to hurt me. But…Christ. I'll do anything to make it stop, and if that means staying behind and rebooting my life here, so be it."

Both Haruhi and Hikaru looked up when they heard the knock on the bedroom door. For just a second, Hikaru managed to get a look at Haruhi's face, the tears moving down her cheeks, before she used the sleeve of her sweater to wipe them away. He was amazed by how quickly Haruhi was able to compose herself in the time it took for Hikaru to cross the room and open the door to the nurse waiting on the other side with a cold compress.

For some reason, seeing Haruhi interacting so politely with the nurse was affecting him in the most negative way. Watching her smiling at the woman, when only seconds ago she was glaring daggers at Hikaru, hurt him in a way he knew it probably shouldn't have, but he just couldn't control it. He knew Haruhi was trying to use the same strategy he'd used just yesterday to push him away, but understanding her motivation wasn't going to lessen the pain. She'd used him last night to temporarily subdue some feelings of doubt over her engagement, and today she was taking her guilt and anger over betraying Tamaki out on him.

He loved Haruhi, but he didn't like her very much just then.

"It looks like you've got everything under control here," Hikaru said quickly, trying to make as quick an exit as he could before he lost his temper and made an ass of himself. Again. Haruhi finally decided to attempt eye contact with him, but as far as he was concerned, it was too late. "Maybe I'll see you later."

"Hikaru?"

He paused in the doorway at the sound of Haruhi's voice, but didn't turn around.

"Yes?"

"Where are you going? I mean…in case I need you – "

Hikaru squeezed his eyes shut.

"You don't need me. I'm sure any one of a number of people here is capable of tending to your needs."

"Hikaru…" she said softly. He could hear the hurt in her voice, but it wasn't enough for him.

"Oh, and that question you asked me earlier?" he said.

Silence.

"The answer is no. Not by a long shot."


	9. Chapter 9

So.

Thanks so much for the reviews and the lovely PMs I've received from you since the last update! I really do appreciate them!

I touch an awful lot on events from the manga in this chapter. I hope you aren't too put off by that if you've never read it. If anything confuses you, please don't hesitate to let me know.

Now I'm going to read the chapter over and over again until it's completely typo-free. I'm convinced I missed something, and I'm sure I've committed more than one grammar crime.

See you soon, I hope!

ssg.x.

* * *

><p>Haruhi swore to herself that she would give Hikaru some much-needed time to cool off, but by about eleven that evening, she was getting worried and antsy. She knew he had every right to be furious with her, to lash out at her, to hurt her.<p>

"_I'm sure any one of a number of people here is capable of tending to your needs."_

_He thinks I kissed him just because he was there._

Didn't you?

Haruhi went over her explanation to Hikaru again, still not understanding it herself. Tamaki was always so considerate of everyone around him - he really was like the father of a family who tried to treat each member with equal respect, despite all the bickering he did with the twins, which, she supposed, was also very familial.

Hikaru and Kaoru, she corrected herself. They haven't been "the twins" for a very long time.

Haruhi was old enough now to know that life was not a shoujo manga, even if Mei was always telling her otherwise, but Haruhi had always thought that once she and Tamaki confessed their feelings for each other, a story had ended. Or at least _their_ story had ended. Hikaru took the book off the shelf and cracked its spine with that confession last night, and pages had been falling out ever since. If Tamaki's over-the-top optimism had taught her anything, it was that everyone deserved a happy ending. Hadn't Hikaru gotten the memo? She and Tamaki had their happy ending, and now she was hard at work on her happily ever after. Hikaru was supposed to be out there writing his own book, not rewriting hers. He was practically writing fan fiction.

_Oh, God. What am I even talking about?_

Hikaru was driving her to distraction, and he barely had to lift a finger to do it.

_But…_

Hikaru loved her. For all these years, he'd been in love with her and hadn't spoken a word about it, hadn't given her the slightest clue. Yes, there was that confession he'd made to her on the school ski trip, but that was so long ago. Once she'd apologized to him and told him she didn't feel the same way for him, she thought he would just move on. Actually, that was a lie – she hadn't really thought much of anything, except that she didn't have the same feelings for him that he had for her. The way he felt about her was just a plot-point in that book of hers. He was sort of like…a supportive character. And just like the supportive character (and friend) that he was, Hikaru had been the one who had shown up at her apartment complex and begged her to reach out to Tamaki and tell him how she felt. Would she and Tamaki ever have gotten together if it wasn't for Hikaru?

"Confess your feelings to Tono," he had said. He was still in his uniform, hands in his pocket, leaning against the railing across from her front door. He looked tired; dark circles under dull, soulless eyes, an unnaturally reserved look on his face. "To be honest, I don't know what I should do. I just know I can't see him anymore in the current state he's in." He wrapped his arms around her shoulders, resting his forehead against them. "Haruhi, please help him, at least by relieving his wounded heart a little."

He was crying. She thought the tears were for Tamaki, because Tamaki's grandmother had been insisting he dismantle the host club in exchange for giving him a chance to see his mother. As a result, Tamaki distanced himself from everyone but Kyouya for weeks, and only because he was his classmate as well as his friend. All Tamaki's focus went into becoming the man his grandmother wanted him to be in order to carry on in his father's footsteps. It would be only natural that he'd be in agony at the thought of losing his beloved friend forever, but…

_Oh, wait…_

He _was_ losing a beloved friend.

_He was saying goodbye to me that night._

"_To be honest, I don't know what I should do…"_

_He was giving me up that night_.

Haruhi sat down on his bed, the weight of the guilt she felt for blaming everything she still wasn't sure was wrong with her relationship with Tamaki on Hikaru was dizzying. She rested her head on his pillow and closed her eyes, but the voice in her head – _her_ voice – wasn't cutting her any slack.

He left Japan to get away from her, to get away from Tamaki. They'd both been relentlessly after Hikaru in their own ways, for their own self-centred reasons, and neither had given him a chance to even catch his breath.

Haruhi showed up at his doorstep in the middle of the night, something she couldn't help, but had she truly appreciated what he'd sacrificed by allowing her to stay?

The argument Hikaru had with Kaoru on the phone that she'd managed to overhear was about her – she knew that. But she'd completely misunderstood the context. She accused Hikaru of telling Kaoru off for insisting she stay at the house because he didn't want to have to play host for anyone on his vacation. She needed him, and he was throwing a temper tantrum. But he was doing it for her sake. It was all for her sake.

"_I was acting like a jackass because I'm in love with you and I didn't want anyone to get hurt!"_

"_I time my mornings around yours. I try to leave the apartment before you head into the bathroom for your shower so I don't have to run into you on the way to class."_

"_I wouldn't have kept quiet for as long as I had if I didn't care about our friendship."_

Ashamed of herself, she turned her head into the pillow when her eyes began to fill with tears. Her wrist was throbbing, but she squeezed the pillow with all her might, successfully muffling the sob that escaped her.

"_You've only known how I feel about you for a day. I've been coping with these feelings for four years."_

"I've been such a monster," she whimpered.

Deciding the last thing she should be doing just then was feeling sorry for herself, she took a deep breath and tried to collect herself. And then there it was – Hikaru's scent. Fire and earth, wood and water. Suddenly he was holding her again. Suddenly she was holding him back, quite desperately. He was looking at her through his charcoal-coloured bangs, much longer now, softer. She remembered being taken aback the first time he'd shown up at school sporting the new hair colour, not just because it meant that he was ready to be told apart from Kaoru, which was monumental, of course, but also because it was, well, so striking. It suited him. He was, as she'd once remarked to a client, the darker twin.

The other thing that struck her last night, and that day at school, was his eyes - piercing eyes the colour of amber on a clear day and topaz on a stormy one. Why hadn't she noticed them before? Of course she'd always known that the members of the host club were attractive. She wasn't blind. But she never fed into their vanity the way their clients did. They were handsome, the sky was blue, and cherry blossoms were pink. It was what it was. But last night...

Hikaru's eyes looking unwaveringly into hers…

_I wasn't his first kiss, _she thought before she could help it.

_How did he know that would hurt me?_

Don't you mean "Why did he think that would hurt you?"

_Um…yeah. That's what I meant._

She sat up and threw the pillow at the headboard as hard as she could. She grimaced, immediately regretting the childish action.

_Ow…_

Haruhi cradled her bruised wrist as she explored the massive house, hoping she'd bump into him. Her wrist was still sore, but the nurse had assured her that nothing was broken. She was incredibly relieved. She had no idea how she would have explained away a broken or fractured wrist when she returned to Boston. She also didn't like the idea of leaving Hikaru alone in this huge, empty house feeling the way he was feeling, even if she'd been trying so hard only hours ago to push him away. He didn't deserve that.

She certainly deserved to be standing here worrying about him, though. Haruhi wandered back to her room and slipped through the balcony doors. She walked to the railing and peered into the darkness, looking for some sign that Hikaru was out there. Sure enough, eventually she was able to see the light from his phone, very faintly, out by the lake where they'd had that fateful chat of theirs last night. She smiled, relieved that he was safe, and ran back in through the house, down the stairs and out the door, eager to apologize to him for being an idiot. She mistook the loud clattering of thunder as she ran into the driveway to be the sound of the door slamming closed behind her.

* * *

><p>Hikaru absently scrolled through one of his music playlists. He momentarily thought about calling Kaoru, but then his stubbornness kicked back in. Kaoru had done the hanging up. If he wanted to talk to Hikaru, he'd have to swallow his pride and make the call. Anyway, what would Hikaru tell him? That he'd kissed Haruhi twice now and couldn't imagine never doing it again? That the guilt he felt over betraying Tamaki would leave a room the moment Haruhi walked into it?<p>

He closed his eyes and touched his lips with the same fingers that had touched the bare skin at the small of Haruhi's back. The hands that had been in her hair, the hips he'd pulled her against to lift her off the ground, the mouth she'd kissed again and again, the tongue that had touched hers, and the neck she had wrapped her arms around…None of those things were his anymore. They belonged to her now, whether she wanted them to or not.

_She doesn't want anything to do with you. She panicked and kissed you because she's got wedding jitters._

_She doesn't love you, and she doesn't like you a helluva lot right now, either._

The less emotionally mature Hikaru thought about swinging by Haruhi's room to throw her stuff out the window and into the lake below on his way to get his coat. He had asked for the keys to one of the three cars on the premises before heading out, which seemed to throw the staff for a bit of a loop. He had no use for a car in Boston, and was driven around more often than not when he was back in Japan. It had been some time since he'd last driven himself somewhere, but he had been livid enough to want to drive himself _anywhere_ just a short while ago. Now that he'd had some time to cool off, though, it appeared there'd be no need to make a speedy getaway. Instead of anger, he was feeling many other emotions he wanted to experience even less - love and loss, lust and loneliness.

"I hate this," he muttered to himself.

"So do I."

Hikaru spun around, hissing a startled curse under his breath. Haruhi stood a few feet away, still holding her injured wrist close to her. She was dressed just as appropriately for the weather as the last time the two of them were out here together, which is to say not at all.

"Haruhi…"

"I hate this, too," she said.

"Honestly, Haruhi – did you even bother to pack a coat at all? It's freezing outside. What the hell's the matter with you?" Hikaru asked sharply. He turned his attention to the phone in his hand, hoping it was an obvious enough signal to the occasionally oblivious Haruhi that he didn't want to continue their argument from this afternoon. He had no desire to hear about what an inconsiderate jackass he was again.

"Hikaru, I hate _this_. I hate what's happening. I don't hate you."

"I don't believe you," he replied brusquely, still staring at his phone.

"What?" Haruhi frowned, visibly troubled by the statement.

Hikaru finally gave up and slipped his phone into his coat pocket. He hooked his finger through his key ring and jingled it noisily in the palm of his hand, thinking briefly that he may need the car keys after all. He glared at her. Lightning flashed against the black sky behind her, and, in that second, he finally began to trust his eyes for the first time since she'd arrived. He could see that the pain she was in was genuine from the tension pulling at her face. Thunder rumbled in the distance and, unexpectedly, he was overcome with memories of the scent of her wet hair and how glassy her eyes were from crying when he found her hiding from the storm in that small roadside church outside of town years ago.

"You should get inside," Hikaru said.

Haruhi shook her head. "Tell me what you meant."

She was shaking, and Hikaru knew he should have wrapped his coat around her and carried her inside. That's what Tamaki would have done.

_Tamaki…_

He steeled himself against Haruhi's large, wounded eyes. He wasn't backing down this time.

_I can't. I won't._

_I'm not Tamaki._

_Haruhi's hurt, but I'm hurt, too._

He set his jaw and tried to look at anything but her.

_I'm selfish, right? Well, this is me being selfish._

Another crack of lightning lit up the sky. The ground shook beneath them. Haruhi didn't move, either because she was frozen with fear, or pinned there by stubbornness.

"Hikaru, I said some awful things to you - untrue things." Haruhi's trembling was increasing in intensity, and Hikaru fought fiercely against his natural instinct to protect her.

"Go inside, Haruhi. Don't be stupid."

The wind picked up and the sky began to split.

"I don't think you're selfish -"

…as though she'd read his mind.

Haruhi closed her eyes tightly. She drew her shoulders up and clenched her fists.

"Haruhi! Go inside!" Hikaru snapped, starting to panic. Haruhi shook her head, strands of hair taken up by a wind that began to stridently whirl around them.

"No!" she cried. "Hikaru, none of this is your fault! I kissed you because -"

The storm clouds finally erupted, rain began to fall. Haruhi wrapped her arms around herself.

"Why are you doing this to yourself?" he shouted incredulously, finally losing his temper. "Stop being stubborn, and get out of here!"

"I kissed you because I _wanted_ to kiss you! I wanted to kiss _you_! I didn't kiss you because you happened to be there, okay? I didn't kiss you because I'm nervous about the wedding! I kissed you because when you told me you loved me –"

Lightning struck again and Hikaru couldn't bear it any longer. He quickly unbuttoned his coat and shrugged out of it. She took a step back, but he was quick. He grabbed her uninjured wrist to hold her still while swinging the coat around her shoulders.

"I liked it," she whispered.

"Haruhi, please let me take you back to the -"

"When you told me you loved me, I liked it."

Hikaru stared at her, flabbergasted. He gently but firmly held her out at arm's length so he could look her in the eye, but she lowered her chin and glanced down at the rainwater pooling around her ballet flats.

"Haruhi…"

She nodded, arms hanging lifeless from slumped shoulders. She looked completely lost.

He grabbed the collar of his coat up into both his fists, using it to haul her cold, lissom body as close to his as was physically possible.

_Christ, Haruhi…_

"Why are you doing this to me," he breathed against the top of her head.

"I'm sorry, Hikaru. Forgive me," she said softly into his chest, her hand briefly touching his heart.

Hikaru's lips claimed hers in a hungry kiss, the force of which even he wasn't expecting. She stiffened in his arms for just a moment, probably out of shock; one moment they were whispering to each other, the next his heart was howling for her. He could make no apologies for any discomfort the need that drove the kiss might have inflicted on her, but it seemed he wouldn't have had to anyway. Haruhi suddenly came to life, her arms reaching out for him from beneath his coat, wrapping around his neck. When his tongue pushed past her lips and began to explore her mouth, hers pushed back and tentatively did the same.

His hands traveled down her back, around her waist, over her hips. She was really here. She was really kissing him back.

Was she drunk?

He lifted her off the ground just as he had yesterday, except his intentions weren't quite so pure this time around. He wanted her to know exactly what she was doing to him, exactly what kind of an effect her proximity had on his body. It was important to him that she knew he loved her, but that he wanted her, too. To both his wonder and sheer delight, she moaned and tightened her hold on him. His coat slipped from her shoulders and hit the ground, and he was already soaked to the bone from the rain, but he hardly noticed either of those things. It wasn't until another bolt of lightning struck, closer and far louder than any of the others, that Hikaru and Haruhi came up for air.

She stared at him, wide-eyed and quivering.

"I love Tamaki," she blurted.

"I know," Hikaru gasped. "I love him, too."

"What are we doing?" she asked. She looked terrified. He wasn't sure what to make of that. All he knew was that his heart started beating faster when she said "we". They were in this together. It was no longer his mistake, or her mistake. It was their mistake.

"I don't know. I want to kiss you again," he murmured, staring at her mouth.

"You have such beautiful eyes," she whispered, looking at him as though she was seeing him for the first time. Bewildered by her words, he wondered again if she had been drinking.

"We…we should go inside," Haruhi advised, still looking dazed. Hikaru realized he was still holding her up and eased her back down to the ground. She picked up his coat. She seemed to forget they were caught in the middle of a thunderstorm, which he found perplexing but didn't mention aloud.

Haruhi slipped Hikaru's coat back on while he took a moment to try to relieve the situation happening in his trousers by closing his eyes and thinking of bridal magazines and wedding china. Once they were both sorted out, they made a run for the house, but not before Haruhi slipped her hand into his.

On reaching the front doors, they stopped as though they'd run straight into a wall. Both hesitated to enter.

"Haruhi?"

He looked across at her nervously. She was staring at the ornate brass door handles, not making a sound. He couldn't be sure she was even breathing until she squeezed his hand. He squeezed back.

"Yes?"

"What happens when we go back in there?"

He felt like an idiot for asking, but he couldn't get her earlier use of the word "we" out of his head.

_We're in this together._

Haruhi was standing perfectly still, hardly seeming to acknowledge the thunderstorm at all now. He couldn't believe this was the same girl who had hidden under the church altar, the girl he had to hold to keep from falling apart every time the thunder roared, or the stained glass windows lit up with lightning.

"We're friends. When we go back in there, we're friends. Just like we've always been," her voice wobbled as she spoke. He nodded, feeling the beginnings of tears welling up in his eyes.

"Just like we'll always be," she said, the ghost of a smile on her lips. She reached for the door handle. He placed his hand over hers to stop her.

"Haruhi…" he began.

She shook her head.

"Please don't," she whispered.

He wanted to tell her he loved her again, but he understood why she didn't want to hear it just then. Or why she couldn't hear it just then.

"_When you told me you loved me, I liked it."_

Now that he knew she didn't find his feelings disgusting, he found himself feeling something else when he heard her speak those words in his head: Aroused. Incredibly aroused. His breath hitched in his throat, and he suddenly wished he had his coat back, because his wet jeans seemed unwilling to keep any of his secrets. He wondered what would happen if he spoke those three words again. Did they have the same effect on her that her words were having on him?

"If," he began carefully, glancing across at her. "If I did…"

He watched her hand tighten around the door handle. He leaned into her, senses heightened, bolstered by a cockiness he thought he'd lost long ago. Haruhi swayed as though she were dizzy. She raised her other hand and held onto the doorframe to keep herself still. Hikaru closed his eyes. The whole front of the house lit up with another flash of lightning, but neither he nor Haruhi moved.

"If I told you I loved you again…"

"Hikaru…" Haruhi whimpered. He opened his eyes and noticed the tension had left the hand she had on the door handle. Her head was tilted back, her eyes were heavy-lidded, and her breathing had deepened. Her dark hair was a wet, tangled mess, but he couldn't get how it had gotten that way out of his head.

She stayed. She had literally weathered the storm to be here with him now.

_God, she's beautiful._

It was decided. If she hated him for it tomorrow, so be it. He was sure there would be a club she could join soon enough.

"If I told you I loved you again," Hikaru slipped his arm under hers, around her waist. She leaned back against him. "Where would you feel it?" he asked softly.

His hand lightly grazed her left breast, hovered over her heart.

"Here?"

Haruhi whispered his name again. If it was meant to give him pause or warning, it failed miserably. The sound of his name on her lips drew his hips forward. He sighed as the full length of his body settled against the back of hers, and the hand at Haruhi's breast drifted lower. He touched her stomach, felt a tremor move through her. Pleasantly surprised that she hadn't slapped him yet, he pressed his lips to her ear. "Or here?" he breathed.

Haruhi's hand fell from the door handle. Sensing her impending submission, Hikaru's heart began to race. He closed his eyes and rested his forehead against the crown of Haruhi's head, trying to calm his frenzied nerves. He pulled her ever nearer, obeying the same instinct his body had ignored the night he and Haruhi were caught in the net together.

_I want her._

"I love you," he said, properly this time, all teasing gone from his voice. "I love you, Haruhi."

Haruhi was silent for such a long time that he began to worry. It seemed that the fear that she would revert back to the Haruhi from a few hours ago, the Haruhi that had driven him out here in the first place, still lingered.

"Hikaru…" she said softly.

Hikaru's arms tightened around her.

"Yeah?"

"What if we didn't go inside?"

Hikaru blinked, puzzled.

"I don't underst –"

He heard a sound, a jingling. Lightning flashed. That's when he was able to see that Haruhi, her back still to him, was holding up the car keys from the pocket of the coat she was still wearing.

"_When we go back in there, we're friends. Just like we've always been."_

Hikaru was floored. Haruhi turned around in his arms. She took one of his hands from him and pressed the keys into its palm. He closed his fingers around them, squeezing hard, oblivious to the pain of their sharper edges biting into his flesh, sealed up the way Haruhi's next words would seal his fate.

"What if we didn't go inside, Hikaru?"


End file.
